Hinterlands, Level 41

Dear Rhapsody Shindigger,

Gryphon Master Talonaxe and I are a little concerned about your recent drinking. Of course, he lives in an oversized gryphon nest, so I’m a little concerned about him too. When I came to visit, you were pretty tanked, yet you asked me fetch you another round! Maybe you always kind of sway around and burp a lot. I could scare those hiccups out of you if you want. (may involve jumping out of the bushes in a yeti cape) Have you tried holding your breath? How about the old thumbs in the nose bit? (do not attempt to smell. dangerous!)

One time I got so cockeyed drunk that I misplaced my hearthstone. I remember bits and pieces, light hiccupping, no nose-thumbs, semi haircut.

Even though I think you’ve had enough, I just got my ram pimped and want to see how she handles on the curves. Plus, I’m really curious about what happened to you in that swamp! Sure hope I don’t sog my skivvies when you tell me. I have a feeling it’s gonna be good!

I see you don’t have a shower or bath at your camp. (I found you by sense of smell.) You may want to consider relocating to the Aerie Peak area. They have a nice little public well. I’m assuming it’s water, but might also be a clever ale distribution point. (both would be great for washing up!) Also, I noticed either a massive telescope or the biggest cannon I’ve ever seen! I think they’re really trying hard to bring in tourist dollars. I’ve enclosed a nice snapshot courtesy of the Aerie Peak Convention and Visitors Bureau.

“Aerie Peak. Look for the big bird!”

Maybe Talonaxe will even let you crash in his massive nest for a few days. I’ll be back in a few with your drink.

R. Pebblebottom

P.S. I love your malt! Have you tried Hair of the Hare yet?

Southshore, Level 38

Dear Darla Harris,

I believe I recently left some items on one of your gryphons. It was a bundle of eight liferoots. I’m sure you get people trying to rummage through your “lost and found” all the time, but I really need those roots! I’ve been lugging them around for quite a while ever since I bought them off the auction house. I can’t pick flowers or herbs myself so this would really help me out. (harder than it looks! I’ve tried picking, but just can’t seem to get the hang of it.)

The gryphon I rode in on was grayish brown and had a bad cough and odd smell. I could probably pick him out of a gryphon lineup if you want to arrange that. I may have to sit on each one and really take a good whiff. (wet feather odor mostly, somewhat minty)

I didn’t get a good look at the rider after me. Do you keep records of all passengers? Has anyone ever made off with one of your gryphons before? I imagine a couple of gryphon treats mid-flight and a person could persuade one to fly the coop. (so to speak)

What do gryphons like to eat? I’m working on a new fish finger recipe that they might like. (mostly surplus crocolisk, some clam meat) They’re called Flying Fish Fingers and are the perfect in-flight treat. “There’s nothing fishy about these fingers!” I’m working on a mango salsa as well. Have you ever considered adding tray tables and cup holders to your mounts? People love ‘em. They’re great!

Please let me know if you see those roots. (tiny bundle) I’m not trying to pull a fast one! I need them in order to beat up a cyclone guy for a new axe. (long story) Please let me know if you find my items. In the meantime, I’ll be heading back to Ironforge to buy more liferoot. Do you give refunds without a receipt?

I anxiously look forward to your response.

R. Pebblebottom

P.S. I noticed your “no pets on board” policy and was wondering if there was a waiver I could obtain. I think my rabbit would really enjoy feeling the wind on his ears. Let’s get this bunny off the ground!

Ironforge, Level 25

Dear Kelstrum Stonebreaker,

Thanks again for teaching me how to execute. I was just executing some mottled dinosaurs earlier and it worked great. They didn’t know what hit ‘em! Also, that new demoralizing shout you showed me is exciting too! (roar! so fierce!)

When do you think you’ll teach me how to yodel? I’ve always enjoyed a good yodel and have wanted to learn how for some time. (People stop and stare at me when I try.) I think it would be beneficial to yodel warnings to other nearby adventurers, like “Theresawendigooverheeereeehoooo!” I could inform a flower picker, “Ijusttrippedoversomebruiseweedeeehoooo!” Or maybe when it get’s bad, “Whereisthebathroomeeehooo!?!” I’m sure you can think of some uses yourself and agree it would be a valuable skill. (Right up there with fishing!)

Just the other day, I saw a hunter using his axe on a few gnolls while his pet bear sat by and watched. I could’ve yodeled “Checkoutaspectoftheharedotneteeehoooo!” Instead I had to whisper, “I’ll tell the repair lady in Menethil you’ll be by shortly.” He didn’t respond, so obviously whispering to one another in the wild isn’t the way to go.

Looking forward to doing some yodeling with you. (yoohoo!)

By Magni’s Beard,
R. Pebblebottom

Deepwater Tavern, Level 22

Dear Inkeeper Helbrek,

Thanks for the flagon of mead. First Mate Fitzsimmons said it really hit the spot. (Have you tried “Hair of the Hare” yet?)

I will require lodging for the remainder of my stay in Wetlands and everyone says your tavern is the best! I travel with a bunny that follows me everywhere, no matter how dangerous or messy things get. (kobolds!) Do you offer special amenities for animal companions? I am not talking about tiny sleeping quarters (ha ha)—an extra pillow will do fine—but a platter of seasonal vegetables delivered by room service would be great. And of course, a separate wake up call will be required.

What is your tavern’s entertainment policy? As you may have guessed, my companion is “Plops, Azeroth’s Slowest Bunny”, and during our stay, we would be delighted to entertain your clientele with a free show in your lounge. (Tips from affluent customers always appreciated.)

This performance is quite a sensation! For twenty-three adorable minutes, Plops will twitch his nose and scratch behind his ear. Cute! He will perform long and short hops, as he remains close beside me. (Some nibbling.) I assure you the act contains nothing inappropriate, no matter what you may have seen from other recent rabbit acts. The entire performance is wholesome, family entertainment. (Some brief nudity and mild language.) On occasion, when visiting the Ironforge mailbox, there has been minor pushing and slight shoving by people wanting to get a look at Plops. I advise additional wait staff just in case.

Please contact me to discuss lighting needs and stage requirements for “Plops, Azeroth’s Slowest Bunny”. I look forward to my stay in Menethil Harbor. Great fishing!

Cordially,
R. Pebblebottom
(and Plops)

Farstrider Lodge, Level 20

Dear Marek Ironheart,

Best. Task. Ever. I’m sorry I didn’t visit your lodge earlier. You mentioned you didn’t do much trade in croc skins and meat, but lemme tell you, there’s an island just west of here that’s crawling with ‘em!

I could barely keep up with them all, they kept coming out of nowhere! I was pretty enraged the whole time, so I was rending a lot. (plenty of blood) Not only did I get your skins, but also more meat than you asked for, so I could try the recipe you gave me. The steaks are a little gamey so I tried deep frying one.

I’d like to offer my new Chicken-Fried Croc Steak Fingers™ to patrons of your lodge. (No chicken or steak) They’ve been selling fairly well near the Thelsamar mailbox. Once you get past the chew, they're delicious. I offer three dipping sauces—honey malt mustard, Rhapsody Malt vinegar, and teriyaki. Can you recommend a dipping sauce for our new Heart Healthy Baked Croc Nuggets™?

Please let me know when I can come by with my good goods. People love ‘em! Free pants with every purchase!

Regards,
R. Pebblebottom

Dear Azeroth,

I love your Azeroth. (Murlocs!)

I’m hooked on rabbits and everything hare-related. I told my brother-in-law the other day how impressed I was with your use of bunnies.

I’m writing to inform you that I will be in Azeroth for quite some time. (Could be longer.) My sister, Melanie Honeyrump, has lived in Dun Morogh for ages and she speaks often of the wonderful tough hunks of bread. The spring water sounds refreshing!

If you see me, please wave. I will be wearing a tan button-down shirt with no collar or pockets. If I do not wave back, I might have an axe in my hand. (or bunny!) My ears slice easily, so I’ve learned to nod very modestly in acknowledgement. It is a slight nod and almost imperceptible. You may miss it.

With respect,
R. Pebblebottom