Ironforge, Level 20

Dear Mr. Cliffbeard,

How’s business? I never received my novelty hunk of meat, so I’m assuming you’ve decided not to go with my previous proposal. I see now, it was a bad idea. Turns out, I can only manage a partial semi handstand and a quarter cartwheel.

I need to rebuild my fortune, so I’ve decided to sell wares of my own. I will pace tirelessly around the Ironforge Military Ward and sell seats. I will be the Seat Vendor. (I sell some meat as well, but primarily seats.) I look forward to being your “neighbor” and being Seat Vendor. I will feature the popular “Mutton Prop” (a sheep-shaped stool) and you’ve no doubt seen people sitting on my “Wild Hog Plank”. (wood board that smells of bacon) I have an idea for a “Roasted Pail”, but am stuck on making it comfortable. “Comfort is king at the Seat Vendor!”

If you ever get tired of walking all day, stop by and I’ll let you demo one of my seats. There’s nothing like resting your tush after a hard day. “We treat your rump like royalty!” Just give me a little wave when you want to take a quick sit.

I look forward to joining the Military Ward Merchants Association!
R. Pebblebottom, Seat Vendor

P.S. Do you carry Chicken-Fried Croc Steak Fingers? I hear they’re great!

Ironforge, Level 19

Dear Sognar Cliffbeard,

People stop me and ask for your meat. “I’d like a few wild hog shanks, please.” (I deal mostly in pants.) I offer them some sensible trousers, but they just apologize and say, “I thought you were the meat guy. I need some meat!” It happens more and more. Do you have any Pebblebottom in you? I have an Aunt Rockstubble who’s always cooking large haunches of meat. You might know her.

I’d like to sell meat with you! I could walk around the Military Ward, mirroring your every move. When you walk in circles, so will I. If you give a little jump, I will do the same. I will also perform some half cartwheels, semi handstands, and give ‘em the old soggy elbow. You look familiar. Do you know my second cousin Ridgewhisker?

I will require a hunk of meat to hold. For looks only, I will not sell it. (I may nibble at it on breaks.) I could really use some gold, so let’s help each other out. I lost most of my fortune in the recent Auction House crash. I invested in apples, but now I know meat is the way to go. Beef, pork, mutton, wendigo...it’s all good! My father’s mother was named, Ledgegoatee. Any relation?

I hear you have the best meat in Ironforge. “I want a good chop!” they all say. I look forward to working with you and await my novelty hunk of meat. Let’s make back my fortune!

Sincerely,
R. Pebblebottom

P.S. Any chance you know my great uncle, Precipice Vandyke? He sold sliced deli meats. Do you have pastrami?

Thelsamar, Level 13

Dear Stewiess,

Thank you for purchasing my Recruit’s Pants. The 95 silver will go a long way in training expenses. (Gotta dance!) I hope you receive as much enjoyment out of them as I did.

I apologize for the slight rip in the left knee and the extensive boar-blood stains. There were times in Coldridge Valley it seemed I was knee-deep in boars. There may also be some slight wear in the seat, as I tend to sit while eating. Sometimes I’d like to just take a quick bite to get my energy up, but I always end up sitting, sometimes in wet snow. (Never yellow!)

Did you find a rabbit’s foot in one of the pockets? One auctioneer seemed a little shifty and may have taken it.

You may be interested in a reasonably priced shirt and some boots I’m selling as well. Some wear and blood.

With gratitude,
R. Pebblebottom

Brewnall Village, Level 8

Dear Marleth Barleybrew,

Love your mugs! You recently asked me to covertly swap some barrels of beer in order to teach the Thunderbrews that theirs isn’t the only decent brew.

How will you know if the patrons like it better? Do you need me to do some further market research? For a few gold, I will gather demographic data and suggest a niche for your products. (bitters, ales, mash, boar tusks, and mugs) I would ask everyone, “Do you like the beer that’s not the beer you ordered?” and wink slyly. If they wink back, I would know they liked it.

My idea for a new brew is called Hair of the Hare. I know what your thinking, and it is not made of rabbit fur, just silverleaf and yellow snow. Some ruined leather scraps. Delicious! (I have a lead on some yellow snow.) I may try your marketing method myself, although I don’t enjoy deceiving fellow dwarves. I have stolen from trolls. Maybe I’ll swap troll barrels and see how they like Hair of the Hare.

Thank you for considering my offer. I await your reply.

Sincerely,
R. Pebblebottom, creator of Hair of the Hair
“It’s like kissing a rabbit!”