Hinterlands, Level 41

Dear Rhapsody Shindigger,

Gryphon Master Talonaxe and I are a little concerned about your recent drinking. Of course, he lives in an oversized gryphon nest, so I’m a little concerned about him too. When I came to visit, you were pretty tanked, yet you asked me fetch you another round! Maybe you always kind of sway around and burp a lot. I could scare those hiccups out of you if you want. (may involve jumping out of the bushes in a yeti cape) Have you tried holding your breath? How about the old thumbs in the nose bit? (do not attempt to smell. dangerous!)

One time I got so cockeyed drunk that I misplaced my hearthstone. I remember bits and pieces, light hiccupping, no nose-thumbs, semi haircut.

Even though I think you’ve had enough, I just got my ram pimped and want to see how she handles on the curves. Plus, I’m really curious about what happened to you in that swamp! Sure hope I don’t sog my skivvies when you tell me. I have a feeling it’s gonna be good!

I see you don’t have a shower or bath at your camp. (I found you by sense of smell.) You may want to consider relocating to the Aerie Peak area. They have a nice little public well. I’m assuming it’s water, but might also be a clever ale distribution point. (both would be great for washing up!) Also, I noticed either a massive telescope or the biggest cannon I’ve ever seen! I think they’re really trying hard to bring in tourist dollars. I’ve enclosed a nice snapshot courtesy of the Aerie Peak Convention and Visitors Bureau.

“Aerie Peak. Look for the big bird!”

Maybe Talonaxe will even let you crash in his massive nest for a few days. I’ll be back in a few with your drink.

R. Pebblebottom

P.S. I love your malt! Have you tried Hair of the Hare yet?

Ironforge, Level 33

Dear Mr. Staghelm,

I’ve recently taken an interest in your people’s culture. So far, my adventures have been based out of Ironforge, but I’m told your tree-house city is wondrous. People tell me they like being in the branches. (Very few complain of slight motion sickness when the wind blows.)

I write with a proposition I’d like to run past you. I would take it up with Ms. Whisperwind, but I’ve heard you have vision that she lacks. (My vision is pretty good, but it’s been a while since a doctor checked me out. Ha ha.) I’m organizing an event to take place in your fair city of Darnassus, “Capital of the rarely-clothed Night Elves.”

I will present “Pebblebottom’s First Annual Semi-to-Very Nude Night Elf Prance Around”! Ever since I saw my first somewhat-clothed feminine night elf (pretty sure it was a woman, curvy and smooth) I’ve been thinking this needs to happen. A guy in the Ironforge auction house said naked night elves are pretty common, so why not have fun while you’re at it? (King Magni would never go for this, it must be Darnassus!)

The event features upwards of seven participants in various states of undress, frolicking in and around your city. (All participants will be night elves. One dwarf.) We will be swimming in your pools and using your mailboxes. We will require vendors to provide water and food as contestants frolic and leap, dance and run, well into the evening.

In addition “Plops, Azeroth’s Slowest Bunny” will perform, providing long and short hops for the revelers to mimic. (No nibbling!) There have been rumors of a large-scale game of “Spin the Empty Vial”, but that will not happen this time. (The Brewfest incident!) We’ll stick to the skipping and undressing, romping and disrobing.

I eagerly await and look forward to filling out the proper forms and paperwork required to make this event happen! Let’s get this prance around off the ground!

Respectfully,
R. Pebblebottom

Dun Morogh, Level 26

Dear Mr. Ironkeg,

I was saddened to learn you've declined my application to participate in this year’s Brewfest. (re: “Pebblebottom’s curiously tasty Hair of the Hare”) Your festival has created major buzz. In fact, it’s hard to travel anywhere near Ironforge without someone practically begging to try their super brew! (it echoes a bit) Compliments, Ipfel! I am genuinely happy for you and will allow you to finish your festival. But I must insist that “Hair of the Hare” is one of the finest ales of all time.

My independent research has shown that people really respond to my marketing campaign! ("Put's hair where you want it!") Many times, after the first sip, they’ll make the kind of face reserved for superior brews. (Somewhat scrunched, and a slight head shake) In these last days of the festival, I’ve decided to bring my drink to the people and have begun barking my own wares. Instead of galloping by, I stood in the middle of the Ironforge auction house, yelling for people to “try my super brew!” (Apparently, that’s frowned upon, as I was asked by several citizens to take it outside.)

As a service to your patrons, I suggest rotating your entertainment. It’s hard to miss the raucous clamor as I pass by, and I always hear those same three sots yelling awful wisecracks. (A goblin who can spell, we get it already!) The music is a wee repetitive as well. I suspect the Dark Irons may just be trying to stop the music. (The music!)

Perhaps you would like to book “Plops, Azeroth’s Slowest Bunny” for next year’s event. I would gladly offer a 16 minute performance, pending my accepted brew vendor application. (Let’s get some people cockeyed!)

Respectfully,
R. Pebblebottom, creator of Hair of the Hair
“It’s like kissing a rabbit!”

Lakeshire, Level 21

Dear Yorud Barleybrew,

Dubble you tea heff was in that drink you gave me? It’s been a whijle ad I’m still spinning form it. Whn I went to fight those overgrown kobolds or whatever the hwck they were, I nearly got my pebblebottom handed to me! I was swinging with both swords and tey kept calling over theor buddies to help out. I had to run like a littile gnome half the way back to th einn to regroup.i could barelyt walk uprighte let alone swing a coupla blades. I busted out smite’S Mighty hammer and took care of em, but sheesh what a hairyt mess! how can I get more fo that drink? I think my sisater would enjoy some. HEr name is Honeyrump sdn she mostly hangs out in dun Morogh but I bet she could use a stoff drink one in a while. She’s a lovely girl, but mailboix dancing can ber tiring. Have you ever seen yorself from behind? I swear I was watching myself struggle with those giant hog people or whatever they were. It’as like I was just looking at them open up a keg of whopass on me! Do you know where the bathroom s? I know Stormwind doesn’t have any, so I’m not fying al the way there. Do the lakeshire guards frown on usin g the lake? This brew is making me feel a little quezay to. I’m fine It’ll pass I’m sure. Im fine.Thanks you for the gauntlet run arrand thing. . Kind of a good time but very queasy still. WHEere did I leave muy hearthstone?.

R. Pebb;ebotom

Stormwind, Level 14

Dear Reese Langston,

I was recently in Stormwind, delivering an order to Furen Longbeard. I was told the Pig & Whistle is the place to drink in Old Town and have an interest in fine brews. You may remember me from a scuffle I got into with a regular there. That drunk didn’t know what hit ‘em! (my axe)

While in your establishment, a young lady approached me and immediately began dancing. I’m not sure what kind of tavern you’re running, but this young lady just kept dancing and dancing. She was really getting her groove on. I didn’t move, just watched. There was no touching! I would have joined her, but was worn out from dancing atop the Trade District mailbox for 23 hours. (declined several tips)

I drank mug after mug of your brew just watching her dance and spent much of my small fortune. (I sell pants.) I find myself thinking of that barmaid often.

This is the type of tavern Azeroth needs! Please let me know if you plan on opening other similar establishments closer to Ironforge.

Sincerely,
R. Pebblebottom

P.S. Have you considered serving chicken wings?