Feathermoon Stronghold, Level 42

Dear Quintis Jonespyre,

I was recently in the Feralas area gathering some kocktail ingredients for a friend, when I spotted a ferry traveling to your charming island. I’m a sucker for a good boat ride! I did my traditional mid-deck dance and yodeled with the crew a bit, but they weren’t very talkative. (Slight nods, some bouncing.) They certainly take the long way around, don’t they?

That psychic trick you did was pretty neat. It really helped me out with a favor I was doing. I know it put a wobble in your step, but do you think you could do readings of a few more items? (23 at most, may need two readings on some.)

I have a pair of pants I’m curious about. (moderate craftsmanship, brownish, no pockets) I got them off a yeti I was skinning, and have had ‘em in my bag for a while. They’re pretty ripe, but what can I say, I’m pants fan, so I take what I can find. My pants collection is coming along nicely and I hope the Ironforge Arts Council will host my exhibit in the near future. (Watch for Pebblebottom’s Breathtaking Insect-Free Trouser Showcase later this year. “There’s no ants in my pants!”)

Do you think you could make the time to analyze them for me? I’m pretty sure they have a good story. I mean, what does a yeti need with pants anyway? Did his mother lovingly knit them for him? Or do you think they were hand-me-downs from his big yeti brother? I can’t wait to find out!

Looking forward to my next visit.
R. Pebblebottom

Southshore, Level 38

Dear Darla Harris,

I believe I recently left some items on one of your gryphons. It was a bundle of eight liferoots. I’m sure you get people trying to rummage through your “lost and found” all the time, but I really need those roots! I’ve been lugging them around for quite a while ever since I bought them off the auction house. I can’t pick flowers or herbs myself so this would really help me out. (harder than it looks! I’ve tried picking, but just can’t seem to get the hang of it.)

The gryphon I rode in on was grayish brown and had a bad cough and odd smell. I could probably pick him out of a gryphon lineup if you want to arrange that. I may have to sit on each one and really take a good whiff. (wet feather odor mostly, somewhat minty)

I didn’t get a good look at the rider after me. Do you keep records of all passengers? Has anyone ever made off with one of your gryphons before? I imagine a couple of gryphon treats mid-flight and a person could persuade one to fly the coop. (so to speak)

What do gryphons like to eat? I’m working on a new fish finger recipe that they might like. (mostly surplus crocolisk, some clam meat) They’re called Flying Fish Fingers and are the perfect in-flight treat. “There’s nothing fishy about these fingers!” I’m working on a mango salsa as well. Have you ever considered adding tray tables and cup holders to your mounts? People love ‘em. They’re great!

Please let me know if you see those roots. (tiny bundle) I’m not trying to pull a fast one! I need them in order to beat up a cyclone guy for a new axe. (long story) Please let me know if you find my items. In the meantime, I’ll be heading back to Ironforge to buy more liferoot. Do you give refunds without a receipt?

I anxiously look forward to your response.

R. Pebblebottom

P.S. I noticed your “no pets on board” policy and was wondering if there was a waiver I could obtain. I think my rabbit would really enjoy feeling the wind on his ears. Let’s get this bunny off the ground!

Deepwater Tavern, Level 22

Dear Inkeeper Helbrek,

Thanks for the flagon of mead. First Mate Fitzsimmons said it really hit the spot. (Have you tried “Hair of the Hare” yet?)

I will require lodging for the remainder of my stay in Wetlands and everyone says your tavern is the best! I travel with a bunny that follows me everywhere, no matter how dangerous or messy things get. (kobolds!) Do you offer special amenities for animal companions? I am not talking about tiny sleeping quarters (ha ha)—an extra pillow will do fine—but a platter of seasonal vegetables delivered by room service would be great. And of course, a separate wake up call will be required.

What is your tavern’s entertainment policy? As you may have guessed, my companion is “Plops, Azeroth’s Slowest Bunny”, and during our stay, we would be delighted to entertain your clientele with a free show in your lounge. (Tips from affluent customers always appreciated.)

This performance is quite a sensation! For twenty-three adorable minutes, Plops will twitch his nose and scratch behind his ear. Cute! He will perform long and short hops, as he remains close beside me. (Some nibbling.) I assure you the act contains nothing inappropriate, no matter what you may have seen from other recent rabbit acts. The entire performance is wholesome, family entertainment. (Some brief nudity and mild language.) On occasion, when visiting the Ironforge mailbox, there has been minor pushing and slight shoving by people wanting to get a look at Plops. I advise additional wait staff just in case.

Please contact me to discuss lighting needs and stage requirements for “Plops, Azeroth’s Slowest Bunny”. I look forward to my stay in Menethil Harbor. Great fishing!

Cordially,
R. Pebblebottom
(and Plops)

Ironforge, Level 19

Dear Innkeeper Firebrew,

I’ll be checking in to the Stonefire Tavern with a ridiculous haircut. I’ve always been told your establishment is the finest and caters to those with special needs. (e.g. haircuts)

Please inform the bell staff to do their best to smile politely when they ask to take my bags to my room. (I’m ugly!) I have five bags of varying sizes. Some smaller than the big ones.

Security should be alerted of my appearance and be sure to treat me as a dwarf, not a gnome! I will not be turned away because of this cockamamie hairstyle. It might help if they quietly advised other patrons to look away. (I’m hideous!) A distraction may also be needed as I quietly tippy-toe by.

This is more than a bad hair day. I may look rather disheveled, but have the coin to pay for my room and any refreshments I require. Do you have Hair of the Hare?

I will be traveling with my bunny. My companion’s hair is fine, but not mine. I look forward to unwinding at your inn. Do you have whirlpool baths?

Regards,
P. Pebblebottom