A proper farewell

The following post is out of character.

Dear Reader,

I apologize for never providing a satisfying ending to the story of R. Pebblebottom.

If you still visit this blog from time to time hoping for a new chapter, it's likely you still yearn for the innocence that Pebblebottom embodied. You still long for the times when the game was new and there were secrets yet to be discovered. You still wish that you could go back and experience it all again with fresh eyes just like the first time.

I do too.

I left the World of Warcraft a year and a half ago and I miss it. I still think about it daily. Certain details of certain zones. Specific quests and NPCs. Particular pairs of pants.

Even for months after I posted that last post, I was fine tuning a few more letters, and had brainstormed ideas on how to bring Pebblebottom back for many more adventures. But things changed, and it all didn't seem important anymore.

I can't blame a specific element of gameplay for tainting my experience. I can't even chalk it up to "people change and move on." It was a bit of both. Changes in the game led to changes in the players.

If I had to pinpoint it, the beginning of the end for me was the introduction of heirlooms. I loved them. Everyone who had them loved them. Around that time, they also introduced the dungeon finder. Most people point to the dungeon finder as the end of The Golden Age, but I think heirlooms played a much more sinister part.

New players were grouped with 'loomed players, who rushed through dungeons without using "proper" techniques, and many heirloomed players berated those without gear for being useless. Those new players in turn became accustomed to being carried or rushed through content and learned "gogogogogo" as the norm. The Veruca Salt syndrome… "I want to get to max level now and you're in my way." Leveling and progression was expected to happen quickly. So quickly that there was no time to get to know anyone. Joining a guild wasn't for companionship, it was a means to an end—new shineys, fast and hot. "If one guild can't give me what I want, I'll keep jumping until I find one that can."

It fostered single-player mentality in a multi-player game. Participating in a virtual community and being morally accountable for one's actions quickly vanished, and players without a tight guild or group of in-game friends were left out in the cold.

I've read many stories of people who love/loved their guild. All the memories they made together. All the good times. I never got to experience that, which is the reason I ultimately left the game.

Playing alone is unsatisfying. The dungeon finder—and I'm sure the raid finder that followed—makes grouping easy, but it doesn't satisfy what drew so many people to this game in the first place… adventures with others. The joy of the second 'M' in MMO was reserved for those that had friends in-game.

The closest I came to experiencing such camaraderie was Single Abstract Noun-US. I felt in tune with the members of that guild, and a kinship with other bloggers, (like Anea.) But it was a fleeting few weeks of bliss before most everyone moved back to their real (virtual) worlds. It was glorious while it lasted. Reinvigorated, I brought Pebblebottom out of hibernation. For a while…

My experience with SAN-US, and the sense of loss that followed, helped show me that I was playing for nostalgia, not fun. I was trying to capture the elusive emotions I experienced when I made my first character—and to be with friends. My real life friends. And playing the game was keeping me from doing real life things with real life friends. I was either spending long hours at my job or spending long hours in Azeroth. There was no room for life.

It took over a year to come to that realization, and to finally stop chasing what was impossible to capture.

Two months after I left the game, I lost my closest friend to an awful disease. He was the one that introduced me to WOW. He stopped playing shortly after I was hooked, but I kept playing for years, in hopes that he would return, wishing for more good times. He didn't return, and now he's gone. And instead of spending more time with him after he quit, I spent time being lonely in a virtual world that I still can't stop thinking about.

A lot has happened in the year and a half since I quit. Things that wouldn't have happened if I was still playing. I developed a solid business plan, secured a business loan, left my thankless job, leased a storefront, and am getting married in a few weeks. (Sorry, ladies. This one's taken!) My future wife and I are opening a bakery, and are gambling everything that life will get better living entirely in the real world.

I still miss the world of Warcraft, but I know the version in my mind is better than anything I'll experience if I returned.

Rest assured, Pebblebottom is safe and sound, napping peacefully in a bed in Ironforge, dreaming of pants and elves. And Plops is at his feet snoring little bunny snores.

I know, because that's where I saw them last.

By Magni's Beard.

Southshore, Level 38

Dear Darla Harris,

I believe I recently left some items on one of your gryphons. It was a bundle of eight liferoots. I’m sure you get people trying to rummage through your “lost and found” all the time, but I really need those roots! I’ve been lugging them around for quite a while ever since I bought them off the auction house. I can’t pick flowers or herbs myself so this would really help me out. (harder than it looks! I’ve tried picking, but just can’t seem to get the hang of it.)

The gryphon I rode in on was grayish brown and had a bad cough and odd smell. I could probably pick him out of a gryphon lineup if you want to arrange that. I may have to sit on each one and really take a good whiff. (wet feather odor mostly, somewhat minty)

I didn’t get a good look at the rider after me. Do you keep records of all passengers? Has anyone ever made off with one of your gryphons before? I imagine a couple of gryphon treats mid-flight and a person could persuade one to fly the coop. (so to speak)

What do gryphons like to eat? I’m working on a new fish finger recipe that they might like. (mostly surplus crocolisk, some clam meat) They’re called Flying Fish Fingers and are the perfect in-flight treat. “There’s nothing fishy about these fingers!” I’m working on a mango salsa as well. Have you ever considered adding tray tables and cup holders to your mounts? People love ‘em. They’re great!

Please let me know if you see those roots. (tiny bundle) I’m not trying to pull a fast one! I need them in order to beat up a cyclone guy for a new axe. (long story) Please let me know if you find my items. In the meantime, I’ll be heading back to Ironforge to buy more liferoot. Do you give refunds without a receipt?

I anxiously look forward to your response.

R. Pebblebottom

P.S. I noticed your “no pets on board” policy and was wondering if there was a waiver I could obtain. I think my rabbit would really enjoy feeling the wind on his ears. Let’s get this bunny off the ground!

Stormwind, Level 38

Dear Angus Stern,

Thank you for the many, many thanks! I was happy to help you out, and it sounds like you’ll be able to pull off your banquet after all. Chilled Basilisk in Lime Vinaigrette sounds pretty fancy. I’ve been eating a lot of soft banana bread lately, and I’m looking for something new to nosh on. (the bread sits in my bag and is only moderately soft by the time I eat it. partially firm.)

You seem to know what you’re doing, and I’d love to trade recipes with you. I have one that your noble might appreciate—a low-calorie honey mustard dipping sauce used for croc fingers. Will you be serving fingers of any sort at the party? (croc, chicken, ogre, etc.) I always say, “it’s not a party until you bring out the fingers!”

If you don’t mind my asking, who is the noble? I’d like to personally wish him or her a happy birthday. (Maybe speak with them about the bathroom situation here in Stormwind.) I could bring a dish or two and join in the fun. I assume there will be the usual prancing, and I know a party game or two. (I assure you, the Brewfest incident is almost always exaggerated.) Of course, I would have Plops, Azeroth’s Slowest Bunny accompany me. He could entertain the royalty with small hops and tasteful scratching. (some nibbling. delightful!)

Will the celebration be at The Blue Recluse? Kind of odd to name the place after a depressed loner and then throw a stylish reception there. Unless you mean the recluse himself is the color blue. Then you’d have the entertainment covered, and probably don’t need Plops to come after all. I’d like to meet the recluse as well! (may just be holding breath for long stretches. Is that part of the act?)

I’m a little surprised your tavern didn’t book Plops on his last tour. We hit up all the usual lounges and really wowed them! (negligible nudity) Perhaps you’d like to book in advance for the upcoming summer tour, “The Plop It Like It’s Hot Eastern Kingdoms Tour”. (Let’s get ploppin’!) Please contact me to request a demo reel.

Bon Appétit!
R. Pebblebottom

Ironforge, Level 33

Dear Mr. Staghelm,

I’ve recently taken an interest in your people’s culture. So far, my adventures have been based out of Ironforge, but I’m told your tree-house city is wondrous. People tell me they like being in the branches. (Very few complain of slight motion sickness when the wind blows.)

I write with a proposition I’d like to run past you. I would take it up with Ms. Whisperwind, but I’ve heard you have vision that she lacks. (My vision is pretty good, but it’s been a while since a doctor checked me out. Ha ha.) I’m organizing an event to take place in your fair city of Darnassus, “Capital of the rarely-clothed Night Elves.”

I will present “Pebblebottom’s First Annual Semi-to-Very Nude Night Elf Prance Around”! Ever since I saw my first somewhat-clothed feminine night elf (pretty sure it was a woman, curvy and smooth) I’ve been thinking this needs to happen. A guy in the Ironforge auction house said naked night elves are pretty common, so why not have fun while you’re at it? (King Magni would never go for this, it must be Darnassus!)

The event features upwards of seven participants in various states of undress, frolicking in and around your city. (All participants will be night elves. One dwarf.) We will be swimming in your pools and using your mailboxes. We will require vendors to provide water and food as contestants frolic and leap, dance and run, well into the evening.

In addition “Plops, Azeroth’s Slowest Bunny” will perform, providing long and short hops for the revelers to mimic. (No nibbling!) There have been rumors of a large-scale game of “Spin the Empty Vial”, but that will not happen this time. (The Brewfest incident!) We’ll stick to the skipping and undressing, romping and disrobing.

I eagerly await and look forward to filling out the proper forms and paperwork required to make this event happen! Let’s get this prance around off the ground!

Respectfully,
R. Pebblebottom

Dun Morogh, Level 26

Dear Mr. Ironkeg,

I was saddened to learn you've declined my application to participate in this year’s Brewfest. (re: “Pebblebottom’s curiously tasty Hair of the Hare”) Your festival has created major buzz. In fact, it’s hard to travel anywhere near Ironforge without someone practically begging to try their super brew! (it echoes a bit) Compliments, Ipfel! I am genuinely happy for you and will allow you to finish your festival. But I must insist that “Hair of the Hare” is one of the finest ales of all time.

My independent research has shown that people really respond to my marketing campaign! ("Put's hair where you want it!") Many times, after the first sip, they’ll make the kind of face reserved for superior brews. (Somewhat scrunched, and a slight head shake) In these last days of the festival, I’ve decided to bring my drink to the people and have begun barking my own wares. Instead of galloping by, I stood in the middle of the Ironforge auction house, yelling for people to “try my super brew!” (Apparently, that’s frowned upon, as I was asked by several citizens to take it outside.)

As a service to your patrons, I suggest rotating your entertainment. It’s hard to miss the raucous clamor as I pass by, and I always hear those same three sots yelling awful wisecracks. (A goblin who can spell, we get it already!) The music is a wee repetitive as well. I suspect the Dark Irons may just be trying to stop the music. (The music!)

Perhaps you would like to book “Plops, Azeroth’s Slowest Bunny” for next year’s event. I would gladly offer a 16 minute performance, pending my accepted brew vendor application. (Let’s get some people cockeyed!)

Respectfully,
R. Pebblebottom, creator of Hair of the Hair
“It’s like kissing a rabbit!”

Deepwater Tavern, Level 22

Dear Inkeeper Helbrek,

Thanks for the flagon of mead. First Mate Fitzsimmons said it really hit the spot. (Have you tried “Hair of the Hare” yet?)

I will require lodging for the remainder of my stay in Wetlands and everyone says your tavern is the best! I travel with a bunny that follows me everywhere, no matter how dangerous or messy things get. (kobolds!) Do you offer special amenities for animal companions? I am not talking about tiny sleeping quarters (ha ha)—an extra pillow will do fine—but a platter of seasonal vegetables delivered by room service would be great. And of course, a separate wake up call will be required.

What is your tavern’s entertainment policy? As you may have guessed, my companion is “Plops, Azeroth’s Slowest Bunny”, and during our stay, we would be delighted to entertain your clientele with a free show in your lounge. (Tips from affluent customers always appreciated.)

This performance is quite a sensation! For twenty-three adorable minutes, Plops will twitch his nose and scratch behind his ear. Cute! He will perform long and short hops, as he remains close beside me. (Some nibbling.) I assure you the act contains nothing inappropriate, no matter what you may have seen from other recent rabbit acts. The entire performance is wholesome, family entertainment. (Some brief nudity and mild language.) On occasion, when visiting the Ironforge mailbox, there has been minor pushing and slight shoving by people wanting to get a look at Plops. I advise additional wait staff just in case.

Please contact me to discuss lighting needs and stage requirements for “Plops, Azeroth’s Slowest Bunny”. I look forward to my stay in Menethil Harbor. Great fishing!

Cordially,
R. Pebblebottom
(and Plops)

Wetlands, Level 22

Dear Pilot Stonegear,

I just got back from Thelgen Rock. You could’ve mentioned the spiders! (a lot) I mean, whoever told you that there was ore in that cave wouldn’t have missed them. (they’re big) I went running in and could barely slay one before the next one skittered up. My bunny was terrified. (Scratching behind his ear more than usual) Do you know where I can find a carrot or maybe some leafy greens? I haven’t found a vegetable vendor, and it’s been a while since he’s eaten.

Luckily, I needed those beasts’ fangs for an armor kit I’m working on. But I got your ore and will deliver it the next time I’m in Dun Morogh. I hope the reward is worth all the venomous bites I took. Something fit for a warrior. (Not cloth gloves with spell power or anything.) Something great!

It was nice seeing you again. How are those wendigo rugs working out for you? I miss Kharanos and enjoyed my time there. Are there still lots of bunnies? Mine may like seeing his old friends after this harrowing experience.

See you soon,
R. Pebblebottom

Ironforge, Level 19

Dear Innkeeper Firebrew,

I’ll be checking in to the Stonefire Tavern with a ridiculous haircut. I’ve always been told your establishment is the finest and caters to those with special needs. (e.g. haircuts)

Please inform the bell staff to do their best to smile politely when they ask to take my bags to my room. (I’m ugly!) I have five bags of varying sizes. Some smaller than the big ones.

Security should be alerted of my appearance and be sure to treat me as a dwarf, not a gnome! I will not be turned away because of this cockamamie hairstyle. It might help if they quietly advised other patrons to look away. (I’m hideous!) A distraction may also be needed as I quietly tippy-toe by.

This is more than a bad hair day. I may look rather disheveled, but have the coin to pay for my room and any refreshments I require. Do you have Hair of the Hare?

I will be traveling with my bunny. My companion’s hair is fine, but not mine. I look forward to unwinding at your inn. Do you have whirlpool baths?

Regards,
P. Pebblebottom

Kharanos, Level 10

Dear Innkeeper Belm,

I was recently doing some market research in your inn—wink—and noticed you are serving “bunny on a sword”. Why? I have always enjoyed your freshly baked and tough hunks of bread, but don’t see the need for whole bunnies impaled on swords. After traveling throughout Dun Morogh, protecting these noble creatures from vicious snow leopards, who wants to eat one? The fur!

How about Wolf on an Axe? I had Boar on a Dagger once, but got very ill. (May not have been the boar. I was eating Bear on a Staff as well.) Do you have anything for upset stomachs?

I no longer wish to make your inn my home, but will return for your wonderful brews from time to time. Have you tried the Hair of the Hare yet? It’s true what they say.

Thank you for looking into this matter.
R. Pebblebottom

P.S. Do you have Wendigo on a Mace?

Dear Azeroth,

I love your Azeroth. (Murlocs!)

I’m hooked on rabbits and everything hare-related. I told my brother-in-law the other day how impressed I was with your use of bunnies.

I’m writing to inform you that I will be in Azeroth for quite some time. (Could be longer.) My sister, Melanie Honeyrump, has lived in Dun Morogh for ages and she speaks often of the wonderful tough hunks of bread. The spring water sounds refreshing!

If you see me, please wave. I will be wearing a tan button-down shirt with no collar or pockets. If I do not wave back, I might have an axe in my hand. (or bunny!) My ears slice easily, so I’ve learned to nod very modestly in acknowledgement. It is a slight nod and almost imperceptible. You may miss it.

With respect,
R. Pebblebottom