Go’Shek Farm, Level 35

Dear Kinelory,

I think we made a pretty good pair when taking down that chemist fellow. He sure wasn’t expecting the two of us to come knocking, was he? He was probably whipping up a batch of mai tais when we popped in and hit the cocktail shaker from his hands. (Have you tried Hair of the Hare yet?)

Thank you for healing me as I bashed up those orcish fellows. And I especially liked how you turned into a great big bear on occasion. (So furry!) Do you know any other tricks like that? Where did your clothes go? Once, I thought I saw a bear wearing a kilt in a tavern. (Possibly a plump cat or gnome.)

I noticed that there was a bathroom down on that farm. (Not many around) Do you think you could cover me while I use it? I wouldn’t normally ask a feminine elf like yourself, but I felt we shared a special bond. Mostly when you asked me to watch your rear while you rummaged through that drug dealer’s bottles. (I watched pretty closely. Some staring, but mostly glancing.)

I wasn’t expecting you to ask me to race you back to your post. (still gawking somewhat. nice pants.) I almost lost track of you when those three orcs jumped me, but I handled it okay.

You’re a little playful, and very nimble on your feet. I bet you’re good at skipping and leaping as well. Have you heard about the upcoming Prance Around? There will be food, swimming and bunnies. No eating of or swimming with bunnies permitted. (some romping and mild frolicking) I hope to see you there. Maybe I can buy you an ale.

Fondly,
R. Pebblebottom

Fray Island, Level 31

Dear Klannoc Macleod,

I really enjoyed your little fight club. Don’t worry I won’t talk about it.

Thanks again for teaching me berserker stance. There are times when I just wanna go berserk, (dinosaurs!) and now I can feel confident that I’m doing it properly. I hope to come back to your island in order to learn bonkers stance too. That one sounds fun, and with less hair pulling.

Have you ever considered a ferry or gondola to your island? There’s a nice dock in Ratchet you could use. Maybe the gondolier could sing or even yodel. I discovered the sandbar between the shore and your island on my way back, but there were some nasty looking makruras I had to avoid on my swim out. (pretty big pincers) You could probably make a little extra coin from each trip and build yourself some nice brawling facilities.

That sixth guy I fought was kind of a pushover, don’t you think? Also, I felt a little guilty rummaging through Big Will’s pockets after I downed him, but he did have 2 silver and 6 copper on him. That’ll buy a few pairs of pants! When he gets up, just let him know it wasn’t anything personal, just business. He’s a professional, so I’m sure he’ll understand.

Looking forward to learning maniacal stance too!

With gratitude,
R. Pebblebottom

P.S. What is Big Will’s gear score?

Dun Morogh, Level 26

Dear Mr. Ironkeg,

I was saddened to learn you've declined my application to participate in this year’s Brewfest. (re: “Pebblebottom’s curiously tasty Hair of the Hare”) Your festival has created major buzz. In fact, it’s hard to travel anywhere near Ironforge without someone practically begging to try their super brew! (it echoes a bit) Compliments, Ipfel! I am genuinely happy for you and will allow you to finish your festival. But I must insist that “Hair of the Hare” is one of the finest ales of all time.

My independent research has shown that people really respond to my marketing campaign! ("Put's hair where you want it!") Many times, after the first sip, they’ll make the kind of face reserved for superior brews. (Somewhat scrunched, and a slight head shake) In these last days of the festival, I’ve decided to bring my drink to the people and have begun barking my own wares. Instead of galloping by, I stood in the middle of the Ironforge auction house, yelling for people to “try my super brew!” (Apparently, that’s frowned upon, as I was asked by several citizens to take it outside.)

As a service to your patrons, I suggest rotating your entertainment. It’s hard to miss the raucous clamor as I pass by, and I always hear those same three sots yelling awful wisecracks. (A goblin who can spell, we get it already!) The music is a wee repetitive as well. I suspect the Dark Irons may just be trying to stop the music. (The music!)

Perhaps you would like to book “Plops, Azeroth’s Slowest Bunny” for next year’s event. I would gladly offer a 16 minute performance, pending my accepted brew vendor application. (Let’s get some people cockeyed!)

Respectfully,
R. Pebblebottom, creator of Hair of the Hair
“It’s like kissing a rabbit!”

Menethil, Harbor, Level 22

Dear First Mate Fitzsimmons,

How are you? I am fine. When we first met, you asked if I was willing to endure tales that would shiver my timbers and sog my skivvies. I’ve been giving it some thought, and I think I am. I was concerned at first that your stories may rust my chausses, but after the run-ins I’ve had with the Wetlands wildlife (dinosaurs!) I think I can handle it.

I’ve had my rafters quiver a bit only once, but I’m not sure what timber shivering is like. I could definitely give it a go. I do request that if you notice me soaking my shorts that you abandon your anecdote. I’d like to stop at wetting my underthings and not go any further. I’d prefer not to drench my drawers, but I’m willing to go that far. We don’t need any major soiling. Let’s not create another incident.

Are there nice bathrooms here in the Wetlands? I haven’t seen one in some time. I can always take a quick flight to Ironforge to use the forge, but I’d still like to be able to hang my britches to dry while I enjoy a good Jumble.

Anxiously awaiting your tales,
R. Pebblebottom

Farstrider Lodge, Level 19

Dear Daryl the Youngling,

Thanks for the great shirt! When you challenged me to kill boars, you said, “This is no Coldridge Valley boar hunt.” You were sure right about that! There was a lot more ore for me to mine while hunting. I returned with four tin ore, ten copper ore, a course stone and ten rough stones, and I still had five minutes to spare. I love the shirt. How should I treat the armpit stains?

I sense a little tension between you and Vyrin? I bet you two were pretty hot and heavy at one time. Are you a player? The ladies dig scars, and you have a beaut. (I have one on my left buttock from sitting on a rock too quickly.)

You were right about the bear head I brought you. It was a little unsanitary. I got blood inside one of my favorite brownish bags. I gave the head to Vyrin, so I’m sure she’ll dispose of it properly. I doubt she’ll stuff it and hang it up in the lodge or anything.

Thanks again for the shirt (funny smell) and the tip on the hunting and mining spot.

Regards,
R. Pebblebottom

P.S. Ol' Sooty went down like a sack of bananas.

Stormwind, Level 14

Dear Reese Langston,

I was recently in Stormwind, delivering an order to Furen Longbeard. I was told the Pig & Whistle is the place to drink in Old Town and have an interest in fine brews. You may remember me from a scuffle I got into with a regular there. That drunk didn’t know what hit ‘em! (my axe)

While in your establishment, a young lady approached me and immediately began dancing. I’m not sure what kind of tavern you’re running, but this young lady just kept dancing and dancing. She was really getting her groove on. I didn’t move, just watched. There was no touching! I would have joined her, but was worn out from dancing atop the Trade District mailbox for 23 hours. (declined several tips)

I drank mug after mug of your brew just watching her dance and spent much of my small fortune. (I sell pants.) I find myself thinking of that barmaid often.

This is the type of tavern Azeroth needs! Please let me know if you plan on opening other similar establishments closer to Ironforge.

Sincerely,
R. Pebblebottom

P.S. Have you considered serving chicken wings?