A proper farewell

The following post is out of character.

Dear Reader,

I apologize for never providing a satisfying ending to the story of R. Pebblebottom.

If you still visit this blog from time to time hoping for a new chapter, it's likely you still yearn for the innocence that Pebblebottom embodied. You still long for the times when the game was new and there were secrets yet to be discovered. You still wish that you could go back and experience it all again with fresh eyes just like the first time.

I do too.

I left the World of Warcraft a year and a half ago and I miss it. I still think about it daily. Certain details of certain zones. Specific quests and NPCs. Particular pairs of pants.

Even for months after I posted that last post, I was fine tuning a few more letters, and had brainstormed ideas on how to bring Pebblebottom back for many more adventures. But things changed, and it all didn't seem important anymore.

I can't blame a specific element of gameplay for tainting my experience. I can't even chalk it up to "people change and move on." It was a bit of both. Changes in the game led to changes in the players.

If I had to pinpoint it, the beginning of the end for me was the introduction of heirlooms. I loved them. Everyone who had them loved them. Around that time, they also introduced the dungeon finder. Most people point to the dungeon finder as the end of The Golden Age, but I think heirlooms played a much more sinister part.

New players were grouped with 'loomed players, who rushed through dungeons without using "proper" techniques, and many heirloomed players berated those without gear for being useless. Those new players in turn became accustomed to being carried or rushed through content and learned "gogogogogo" as the norm. The Veruca Salt syndrome… "I want to get to max level now and you're in my way." Leveling and progression was expected to happen quickly. So quickly that there was no time to get to know anyone. Joining a guild wasn't for companionship, it was a means to an end—new shineys, fast and hot. "If one guild can't give me what I want, I'll keep jumping until I find one that can."

It fostered single-player mentality in a multi-player game. Participating in a virtual community and being morally accountable for one's actions quickly vanished, and players without a tight guild or group of in-game friends were left out in the cold.

I've read many stories of people who love/loved their guild. All the memories they made together. All the good times. I never got to experience that, which is the reason I ultimately left the game.

Playing alone is unsatisfying. The dungeon finder—and I'm sure the raid finder that followed—makes grouping easy, but it doesn't satisfy what drew so many people to this game in the first place… adventures with others. The joy of the second 'M' in MMO was reserved for those that had friends in-game.

The closest I came to experiencing such camaraderie was Single Abstract Noun-US. I felt in tune with the members of that guild, and a kinship with other bloggers, (like Anea.) But it was a fleeting few weeks of bliss before most everyone moved back to their real (virtual) worlds. It was glorious while it lasted. Reinvigorated, I brought Pebblebottom out of hibernation. For a while…

My experience with SAN-US, and the sense of loss that followed, helped show me that I was playing for nostalgia, not fun. I was trying to capture the elusive emotions I experienced when I made my first character—and to be with friends. My real life friends. And playing the game was keeping me from doing real life things with real life friends. I was either spending long hours at my job or spending long hours in Azeroth. There was no room for life.

It took over a year to come to that realization, and to finally stop chasing what was impossible to capture.

Two months after I left the game, I lost my closest friend to an awful disease. He was the one that introduced me to WOW. He stopped playing shortly after I was hooked, but I kept playing for years, in hopes that he would return, wishing for more good times. He didn't return, and now he's gone. And instead of spending more time with him after he quit, I spent time being lonely in a virtual world that I still can't stop thinking about.

A lot has happened in the year and a half since I quit. Things that wouldn't have happened if I was still playing. I developed a solid business plan, secured a business loan, left my thankless job, leased a storefront, and am getting married in a few weeks. (Sorry, ladies. This one's taken!) My future wife and I are opening a bakery, and are gambling everything that life will get better living entirely in the real world.

I still miss the world of Warcraft, but I know the version in my mind is better than anything I'll experience if I returned.

Rest assured, Pebblebottom is safe and sound, napping peacefully in a bed in Ironforge, dreaming of pants and elves. And Plops is at his feet snoring little bunny snores.

I know, because that's where I saw them last.

By Magni's Beard.

Feathermoon Stronghold, Level 42

Dear Quintis Jonespyre,

I was recently in the Feralas area gathering some kocktail ingredients for a friend, when I spotted a ferry traveling to your charming island. I’m a sucker for a good boat ride! I did my traditional mid-deck dance and yodeled with the crew a bit, but they weren’t very talkative. (Slight nods, some bouncing.) They certainly take the long way around, don’t they?

That psychic trick you did was pretty neat. It really helped me out with a favor I was doing. I know it put a wobble in your step, but do you think you could do readings of a few more items? (23 at most, may need two readings on some.)

I have a pair of pants I’m curious about. (moderate craftsmanship, brownish, no pockets) I got them off a yeti I was skinning, and have had ‘em in my bag for a while. They’re pretty ripe, but what can I say, I’m pants fan, so I take what I can find. My pants collection is coming along nicely and I hope the Ironforge Arts Council will host my exhibit in the near future. (Watch for Pebblebottom’s Breathtaking Insect-Free Trouser Showcase later this year. “There’s no ants in my pants!”)

Do you think you could make the time to analyze them for me? I’m pretty sure they have a good story. I mean, what does a yeti need with pants anyway? Did his mother lovingly knit them for him? Or do you think they were hand-me-downs from his big yeti brother? I can’t wait to find out!

Looking forward to my next visit.
R. Pebblebottom

Hinterlands, Level 41

Dear Rhapsody Shindigger,

Gryphon Master Talonaxe and I are a little concerned about your recent drinking. Of course, he lives in an oversized gryphon nest, so I’m a little concerned about him too. When I came to visit, you were pretty tanked, yet you asked me fetch you another round! Maybe you always kind of sway around and burp a lot. I could scare those hiccups out of you if you want. (may involve jumping out of the bushes in a yeti cape) Have you tried holding your breath? How about the old thumbs in the nose bit? (do not attempt to smell. dangerous!)

One time I got so cockeyed drunk that I misplaced my hearthstone. I remember bits and pieces, light hiccupping, no nose-thumbs, semi haircut.

Even though I think you’ve had enough, I just got my ram pimped and want to see how she handles on the curves. Plus, I’m really curious about what happened to you in that swamp! Sure hope I don’t sog my skivvies when you tell me. I have a feeling it’s gonna be good!

I see you don’t have a shower or bath at your camp. (I found you by sense of smell.) You may want to consider relocating to the Aerie Peak area. They have a nice little public well. I’m assuming it’s water, but might also be a clever ale distribution point. (both would be great for washing up!) Also, I noticed either a massive telescope or the biggest cannon I’ve ever seen! I think they’re really trying hard to bring in tourist dollars. I’ve enclosed a nice snapshot courtesy of the Aerie Peak Convention and Visitors Bureau.

“Aerie Peak. Look for the big bird!”

Maybe Talonaxe will even let you crash in his massive nest for a few days. I’ll be back in a few with your drink.

R. Pebblebottom

P.S. I love your malt! Have you tried Hair of the Hare yet?

Ironforge, Level 40

Dear Mr. Sternhammer,

How are you? I am fine. Thanks so much for teaching me to wear plate armor! I’ve been taking a lot of hits lately and could really use something a little sturdier than mail. I was recently struck with 108 lightning bolts, and the mail did little to protect me. For four days, I thought I was a night elf hunter named Timothy. Have you seen this happen before? Will the plate help with that? Have you met Timothy? (nice guy, little to no facial hair)

I spent some time in the auction house buying myself some new pieces of armor. It arrived in the mail very quickly (no extra shipping charges!) and I’m pretty happy with how it looks. (a few rusty areas. mostly chest, pits, groin) The new gear is heavier than it sounds, so it looks like I’ll need to get in shape. Ironforge could use a gymnasium. People love lifting things and working up a good sweat!


When buying my new outfit, I’m not sure, but I think that gnome auctioneer was marking up prices. (no yeti cape or yowling this time, so must have been something else she didn’t like) I think the redheaded lass was making eyes at me, occasional blinking and subtle nods, so I decided to take my business over to her instead. I laid on the charm hoping to get a few good deals. (frequent hand raising and sporadic cheers) She’s a sturdy gal with just a peek of midriff. Yee! I tried influencing her with some Hair of the Hare and a romantic walk around The Commons, but apparently she was working a double shift. (might have been washing hair as well, not sure)

Do the ladies dig plate, or should I get some “around town” gear as well? I could keep them in the locker room at the gymnasium. Please keep me in mind when they open one up. I am very conscientious about wiping up afterwards.

By Magni’s Beard,
R. Pebblebottom

Southshore, Level 38

Dear Darla Harris,

I believe I recently left some items on one of your gryphons. It was a bundle of eight liferoots. I’m sure you get people trying to rummage through your “lost and found” all the time, but I really need those roots! I’ve been lugging them around for quite a while ever since I bought them off the auction house. I can’t pick flowers or herbs myself so this would really help me out. (harder than it looks! I’ve tried picking, but just can’t seem to get the hang of it.)

The gryphon I rode in on was grayish brown and had a bad cough and odd smell. I could probably pick him out of a gryphon lineup if you want to arrange that. I may have to sit on each one and really take a good whiff. (wet feather odor mostly, somewhat minty)

I didn’t get a good look at the rider after me. Do you keep records of all passengers? Has anyone ever made off with one of your gryphons before? I imagine a couple of gryphon treats mid-flight and a person could persuade one to fly the coop. (so to speak)

What do gryphons like to eat? I’m working on a new fish finger recipe that they might like. (mostly surplus crocolisk, some clam meat) They’re called Flying Fish Fingers and are the perfect in-flight treat. “There’s nothing fishy about these fingers!” I’m working on a mango salsa as well. Have you ever considered adding tray tables and cup holders to your mounts? People love ‘em. They’re great!

Please let me know if you see those roots. (tiny bundle) I’m not trying to pull a fast one! I need them in order to beat up a cyclone guy for a new axe. (long story) Please let me know if you find my items. In the meantime, I’ll be heading back to Ironforge to buy more liferoot. Do you give refunds without a receipt?

I anxiously look forward to your response.

R. Pebblebottom

P.S. I noticed your “no pets on board” policy and was wondering if there was a waiver I could obtain. I think my rabbit would really enjoy feeling the wind on his ears. Let’s get this bunny off the ground!

Stranglethorn Vale, Level 38

Dear Private Thorsen,

You’re welcome for saving you. To be honest, I really was just hoping to skin the panther you were fighting once you were done with it. You were taking a while and seemed to be struggling a bit, so I thought I’d help you out. Then, as I was skinning the beast, you started roughhousing with those two fellas. You three were making so much noise, I had to help you out again. (mid to major racket. slight grunting, small yelps, possibly whimpering.)

I would have kept adventuring with you and your Lieutenant, but I’m a little busy collecting tusks for a witch doctor. I think he’s a witch doctor. Could be a witch dentist. Ha!

He wants a load and a half of them, but I’ve noticed that some of these trolls don’t have very good dental hygiene. (Only floss the ones you wanna keep!) Do you think it matters if they’re nice-looking tusks or not? I don’t want to take any chances when a shiny new axe is on the line!

You may want to head to Stormwind and hit the target dummies to work on your technique. I noticed you pretty much had only one move, and it wasn’t a very good move. (tiny hip movements, jerky arm waving with very little shimmying. your constant shrieking wasn’t helping) I have a trainer that’s been teaching me some exciting techniques that he may be willing to share. (some grunting, but little to no yelping.) You’ll be fending of off the small wildlife in no time!

Good luck with your whole traitor thing!

R. Pebblebottom

Stormwind, Level 38

Dear Angus Stern,

Thank you for the many, many thanks! I was happy to help you out, and it sounds like you’ll be able to pull off your banquet after all. Chilled Basilisk in Lime Vinaigrette sounds pretty fancy. I’ve been eating a lot of soft banana bread lately, and I’m looking for something new to nosh on. (the bread sits in my bag and is only moderately soft by the time I eat it. partially firm.)

You seem to know what you’re doing, and I’d love to trade recipes with you. I have one that your noble might appreciate—a low-calorie honey mustard dipping sauce used for croc fingers. Will you be serving fingers of any sort at the party? (croc, chicken, ogre, etc.) I always say, “it’s not a party until you bring out the fingers!”

If you don’t mind my asking, who is the noble? I’d like to personally wish him or her a happy birthday. (Maybe speak with them about the bathroom situation here in Stormwind.) I could bring a dish or two and join in the fun. I assume there will be the usual prancing, and I know a party game or two. (I assure you, the Brewfest incident is almost always exaggerated.) Of course, I would have Plops, Azeroth’s Slowest Bunny accompany me. He could entertain the royalty with small hops and tasteful scratching. (some nibbling. delightful!)

Will the celebration be at The Blue Recluse? Kind of odd to name the place after a depressed loner and then throw a stylish reception there. Unless you mean the recluse himself is the color blue. Then you’d have the entertainment covered, and probably don’t need Plops to come after all. I’d like to meet the recluse as well! (may just be holding breath for long stretches. Is that part of the act?)

I’m a little surprised your tavern didn’t book Plops on his last tour. We hit up all the usual lounges and really wowed them! (negligible nudity) Perhaps you’d like to book in advance for the upcoming summer tour, “The Plop It Like It’s Hot Eastern Kingdoms Tour”. (Let’s get ploppin’!) Please contact me to request a demo reel.

Bon Appétit!
R. Pebblebottom

Refuge Point, Level 37

Dear Skuerto,

Seems like there’s a real ogre problem in these parts. (pretty fragrant) Have you considered developing some sort of ogre trap? They seem a little dopey, and I bet they’d fall for the old wild-hog-shank-under-a-box trick. Or you could probably fool them with an ogre costume. I know a tailor that might be able to make you one. I have a backwards yeti costume that works just great! (some yowling involved)

I just wrapped up all the ogre chores you asked me to do. I got the wand, snagged a gem, and then got it enchanted. I headed to the tower to get your loot, and when I used the pedestal to call for defenses, a ton of ogres came out of the woodwork! (pretty big ones, so may have actually been a ton of them. didn’t ask their weight, just a guesstimate.)

I was using every maneuver I had just to stay on my feet. The little water fellows that also appeared didn’t even distract them, just watched as I frantically swung my new axe about. (may have been protecting Plops. not sure.) Many, many ogres. So many ogres.

Seemed like after every item I collected for you, there were more ogres! (They came from… behind!) Seriously, look into a trap of some sort.

I was so beaten up when I reached the top of the tower, I was out of healing potions and had to bandage up. Do you have any idea where the cloth for those bandages came from?! Ogre loins!! I’ll probably get an infection from applying ogre sweat to my wounds. (cuts and scrapes, bruising, and other slight boo-boos, some minor armor scratches. no rashes yet.)

I must admit, the silk loincloths they wear are a novel idea. I may have to consider including them in my summer collection. “Why let ogres have all the fun!”

Anyhow, thanks for the adventure. I’ll let you know when the swelling goes down.

R. Pebblebottom

Go’Shek Farm, Level 35

Dear Kinelory,

I think we made a pretty good pair when taking down that chemist fellow. He sure wasn’t expecting the two of us to come knocking, was he? He was probably whipping up a batch of mai tais when we popped in and hit the cocktail shaker from his hands. (Have you tried Hair of the Hare yet?)

Thank you for healing me as I bashed up those orcish fellows. And I especially liked how you turned into a great big bear on occasion. (So furry!) Do you know any other tricks like that? Where did your clothes go? Once, I thought I saw a bear wearing a kilt in a tavern. (Possibly a plump cat or gnome.)

I noticed that there was a bathroom down on that farm. (Not many around) Do you think you could cover me while I use it? I wouldn’t normally ask a feminine elf like yourself, but I felt we shared a special bond. Mostly when you asked me to watch your rear while you rummaged through that drug dealer’s bottles. (I watched pretty closely. Some staring, but mostly glancing.)

I wasn’t expecting you to ask me to race you back to your post. (still gawking somewhat. nice pants.) I almost lost track of you when those three orcs jumped me, but I handled it okay.

You’re a little playful, and very nimble on your feet. I bet you’re good at skipping and leaping as well. Have you heard about the upcoming Prance Around? There will be food, swimming and bunnies. No eating of or swimming with bunnies permitted. (some romping and mild frolicking) I hope to see you there. Maybe I can buy you an ale.

Fondly,
R. Pebblebottom

Southshore, Level 34

Dear Marshal Redpath,

You recently asked me to conk some ogres and seemed pretty bent on me taking their knucklebones. I have to admit, I kind of blew it at first. I beat up those big guys pretty good, and then took their fingers. I thought maybe you had a thing for knuckles. I had an uncle who was into little toes. (Not the big ones! Ew.) Or maybe you collected unique and hard-to-find knuckles and had a little display case at home. (No Mrs. Redpath in this scenario of course.)

When I was rummaging through one of their loincloths (robust odor) looking for spare change, I noticed that they actually carry knucklebones! My bad, good sir. What a knucklehead! It appears the funky brutes use them as some sort of dice to play games amongst themselves. But evidently the ones I gathered were dirty!

I was happy to help you take those crooked knucklebones off the streets. Although those pungent ogres seemed pretty simple-minded, I understand now that they’re cleverly running some sort of recreational item black market. What’s next? Unclean checkers? Smudged dominoes!? (I do enjoy a good game of Filthy Boggle.)

If you’re interested in a bag of bruised ogre knuckles, I know where you can get them. Perhaps you could make a delicious knuckle sandwich. (mustard, Alterac swiss, tough hunk of bread, yum!)

Until next time,
R. Pebblebottom

Southshore, Level 33

Dear Bartolo Ginsetti,

Thank you for making me that cloak. I’ve worn many cloaks, capes and panchos in my day, and although I’ve only named two (Mr. Giddywinkle & Neil) I do not agree that this one is the finest. (Pretty nice though.)

The stitching is a little coarse and it clashes horribly with my pants. (snug in the back and itchy.) (cloak, not pants.) I suspect that this piece is actually from last season’s collection and you tried to pawn it off on me as new. (warrior cloaks are mid-short to half-long this season) Do I look like I have the fashion sense of a gnome? I had that haircut fixed!

The up side is that I do enjoy looking like a yeti from behind. I imagine giving the gals in the auction house a fright by walking in backwards, roaring at the top of my lungs. (Maybe a little yowling.)

Instead of standing around in Southshore, a man of your taste might do better in a bigger market. Half the shops in Stormwind are tailors, so you should travel there to keep in touch with today’s fashions. Do not actually touch the fashions though, they don’t like me doing that. (mildly dirty hands) You could open a boutique in the canal district called The Practical Cloak. And your tagline could be “It’s no joke!” I’ve done a fair share of market research (swapping barrels, steak fingers, etc) and that name will really hit home with the cloak bloke demographic. Imagine a faux fur product line called “Not Yeti”! Maybe with pants.

Don’t forget, in fashion, one day you’re in and the next day you’re out. Now make it work!

Auf Wiedersehen,
R. Pebblebottom

Ironforge, Level 33

Dear Mr. Staghelm,

I’ve recently taken an interest in your people’s culture. So far, my adventures have been based out of Ironforge, but I’m told your tree-house city is wondrous. People tell me they like being in the branches. (Very few complain of slight motion sickness when the wind blows.)

I write with a proposition I’d like to run past you. I would take it up with Ms. Whisperwind, but I’ve heard you have vision that she lacks. (My vision is pretty good, but it’s been a while since a doctor checked me out. Ha ha.) I’m organizing an event to take place in your fair city of Darnassus, “Capital of the rarely-clothed Night Elves.”

I will present “Pebblebottom’s First Annual Semi-to-Very Nude Night Elf Prance Around”! Ever since I saw my first somewhat-clothed feminine night elf (pretty sure it was a woman, curvy and smooth) I’ve been thinking this needs to happen. A guy in the Ironforge auction house said naked night elves are pretty common, so why not have fun while you’re at it? (King Magni would never go for this, it must be Darnassus!)

The event features upwards of seven participants in various states of undress, frolicking in and around your city. (All participants will be night elves. One dwarf.) We will be swimming in your pools and using your mailboxes. We will require vendors to provide water and food as contestants frolic and leap, dance and run, well into the evening.

In addition “Plops, Azeroth’s Slowest Bunny” will perform, providing long and short hops for the revelers to mimic. (No nibbling!) There have been rumors of a large-scale game of “Spin the Empty Vial”, but that will not happen this time. (The Brewfest incident!) We’ll stick to the skipping and undressing, romping and disrobing.

I eagerly await and look forward to filling out the proper forms and paperwork required to make this event happen! Let’s get this prance around off the ground!

Respectfully,
R. Pebblebottom

Fray Island, Level 31

Dear Klannoc Macleod,

I really enjoyed your little fight club. Don’t worry I won’t talk about it.

Thanks again for teaching me berserker stance. There are times when I just wanna go berserk, (dinosaurs!) and now I can feel confident that I’m doing it properly. I hope to come back to your island in order to learn bonkers stance too. That one sounds fun, and with less hair pulling.

Have you ever considered a ferry or gondola to your island? There’s a nice dock in Ratchet you could use. Maybe the gondolier could sing or even yodel. I discovered the sandbar between the shore and your island on my way back, but there were some nasty looking makruras I had to avoid on my swim out. (pretty big pincers) You could probably make a little extra coin from each trip and build yourself some nice brawling facilities.

That sixth guy I fought was kind of a pushover, don’t you think? Also, I felt a little guilty rummaging through Big Will’s pockets after I downed him, but he did have 2 silver and 6 copper on him. That’ll buy a few pairs of pants! When he gets up, just let him know it wasn’t anything personal, just business. He’s a professional, so I’m sure he’ll understand.

Looking forward to learning maniacal stance too!

With gratitude,
R. Pebblebottom

P.S. What is Big Will’s gear score?

Barrens, Level 29

Dear Wailing Caverns,

Really?

I mean, does every one of your paths and tunnels have to loop around, only to find myself where I just was?

I’ve been wandering your damp grottos for close to three months! (84 and one-half days) I went through my supply of Chicken-Fried Croc Steak Fingers in the first week and could go for something more satisfying than the occasional mushroom. (quite-to-moderately hungry) Somewhere, there’s a large tankard of Hair of the Hare with my name on it.

Loved your Giant Murloc!

R. Pebblebottom

P.S. Sorry about the mess in the Pit of Fangs.

Ironforge, Level 28

Dear King Magni,

I love your city! I especially enjoy using all of your mailboxes, but my favorite by far is just outside of the bank. I write quite a bit, so I’m always mailing, and that one has it all. I think Stormwind may have overdone it when they recently installed new boxes. You can’t swing an axe without hitting one. (still no bathrooms) Yesterday, while doing my mailing, I was taken aback by a feminine Night Elf in a rather severe state of undress. (semi-to-very nude!) I’m not used to seeing such lewd behavior in your fine city. (Great forge!)

What is your policy on public nudity? I like to shed my male mail after a hard day, but there’s a time and place. (a good whirlpool bath) And after a few brews, who doesn’t practice their dance moves wearing nothing but their shield and mace?

I’ve not had many dealings with Night Elves (a lot of flesh) but if that’s what they’re about, I’d just as well do my business exclusively with Dwarves. This young pixie pranced near naked throughout The Commons, and her naturally smooth skin was a bit distracting, so I’m not certain I could choose her from a lineup. Is it customary for Night Elves to be only partially clothed? Where do they gather?

I haven’t seen this much flesh since the annual naked Gnome race runs through Dun Morogh. Then again, they’re wee, so there isn’t as much nudity on them, is there? Are there any similar contests that elves participate in? Where? (so much flesh)

Please consider doing something about the naked situation. Perhaps posting detailed likenesses of the offenders would help.

Thank you for your attention on this matter.

Yours respectfully,
R. Pebblebottom

P.S. Where do you get your hair cut?

Dun Morogh, Level 26

Dear Mr. Ironkeg,

I was saddened to learn you've declined my application to participate in this year’s Brewfest. (re: “Pebblebottom’s curiously tasty Hair of the Hare”) Your festival has created major buzz. In fact, it’s hard to travel anywhere near Ironforge without someone practically begging to try their super brew! (it echoes a bit) Compliments, Ipfel! I am genuinely happy for you and will allow you to finish your festival. But I must insist that “Hair of the Hare” is one of the finest ales of all time.

My independent research has shown that people really respond to my marketing campaign! ("Put's hair where you want it!") Many times, after the first sip, they’ll make the kind of face reserved for superior brews. (Somewhat scrunched, and a slight head shake) In these last days of the festival, I’ve decided to bring my drink to the people and have begun barking my own wares. Instead of galloping by, I stood in the middle of the Ironforge auction house, yelling for people to “try my super brew!” (Apparently, that’s frowned upon, as I was asked by several citizens to take it outside.)

As a service to your patrons, I suggest rotating your entertainment. It’s hard to miss the raucous clamor as I pass by, and I always hear those same three sots yelling awful wisecracks. (A goblin who can spell, we get it already!) The music is a wee repetitive as well. I suspect the Dark Irons may just be trying to stop the music. (The music!)

Perhaps you would like to book “Plops, Azeroth’s Slowest Bunny” for next year’s event. I would gladly offer a 16 minute performance, pending my accepted brew vendor application. (Let’s get some people cockeyed!)

Respectfully,
R. Pebblebottom, creator of Hair of the Hair
“It’s like kissing a rabbit!”

Menethil Harbor, Level 26

Dear Fremal Doohickey,

I love your village and the salty sea air. I was just speaking with the town drunk, Harlo Barnaby, and he asked me to do him a small favor. (I don’t mind speaking with the drunks once in a while. A little stinky, but fun!) Turns out he’s not the town drunk at all… the man took an axe to the back! I mean a real axe, right to the center of his back! Were you aware of this?! (This may explain why he hasn’t moved much lately.)

He motioned for me to come speak with him. (breath smelled “off”, but not drunk.) He’s been lying there for quite some time. I mean, I’ve been doing favors and running errands for various townsfolk for a few days now, and the whole time he’s just been sprawled out near the town gates. (Almost tripped over him four times, but didn’t. Once it was more of a wobble than a trip.)

As the town physician, I thought you might want to tend to his wound, or perhaps send someone to offer him some refreshing spring water or a flagon of mead. (not a drunk) A linen bandage might do the trick. (Can’t miss him! Slight odor, no alcohol on him though.)

I’m going to do a quick task for him, but thought someone should know that this man is not a drunk! (Possibly a mild narcotic dependency.)

I appreciate your attention to this matter.
R. Pebblebottom

Ironforge, Level 25

Dear Kelstrum Stonebreaker,

Thanks again for teaching me how to execute. I was just executing some mottled dinosaurs earlier and it worked great. They didn’t know what hit ‘em! Also, that new demoralizing shout you showed me is exciting too! (roar! so fierce!)

When do you think you’ll teach me how to yodel? I’ve always enjoyed a good yodel and have wanted to learn how for some time. (People stop and stare at me when I try.) I think it would be beneficial to yodel warnings to other nearby adventurers, like “Theresawendigooverheeereeehoooo!” I could inform a flower picker, “Ijusttrippedoversomebruiseweedeeehoooo!” Or maybe when it get’s bad, “Whereisthebathroomeeehooo!?!” I’m sure you can think of some uses yourself and agree it would be a valuable skill. (Right up there with fishing!)

Just the other day, I saw a hunter using his axe on a few gnolls while his pet bear sat by and watched. I could’ve yodeled “Checkoutaspectoftheharedotneteeehoooo!” Instead I had to whisper, “I’ll tell the repair lady in Menethil you’ll be by shortly.” He didn’t respond, so obviously whispering to one another in the wild isn’t the way to go.

Looking forward to doing some yodeling with you. (yoohoo!)

By Magni’s Beard,
R. Pebblebottom

Wetlands, Level 24

Dear James Halloran,

I’m working on your task, and I have to ask… Where are all the giant crocolisks and how the heck did your apprentice get attacked?

I’ve been running around the north coastline for what seems like an hour, and I’ve only seen two! There’s also a warlock and a hunter running about, but I can’t believe they’ve killed every last one of them. Maybe your apprentice angered the crocs by poaching their young. I imagine a side business selling baby crocs as pets could be quite lucrative. I prefer a loyal, furry companion, but some people enjoy the danger of a pet that may someday rip your face off. (murlocs!)

I bet your apprentice had Westfall chicken meat in his pockets or something, because nothing I do attracts them. I’ve tried taunting them with a little dance and some mild name-calling, but the only things I’ve run into are fen creepers. (a lot!) They sneak up on you and attack from nowhere!

Do giant crocolisks like bunnies? I have one I could use to lure them out, but am not sure if it’s much of a meal, so they may not bother with it.

I’ll guess I’ll try again tomorrow. I’ll bring bacon!

Patiently,
R. Pebblebottom

Deepwater Tavern, Level 22

Dear Inkeeper Helbrek,

Thanks for the flagon of mead. First Mate Fitzsimmons said it really hit the spot. (Have you tried “Hair of the Hare” yet?)

I will require lodging for the remainder of my stay in Wetlands and everyone says your tavern is the best! I travel with a bunny that follows me everywhere, no matter how dangerous or messy things get. (kobolds!) Do you offer special amenities for animal companions? I am not talking about tiny sleeping quarters (ha ha)—an extra pillow will do fine—but a platter of seasonal vegetables delivered by room service would be great. And of course, a separate wake up call will be required.

What is your tavern’s entertainment policy? As you may have guessed, my companion is “Plops, Azeroth’s Slowest Bunny”, and during our stay, we would be delighted to entertain your clientele with a free show in your lounge. (Tips from affluent customers always appreciated.)

This performance is quite a sensation! For twenty-three adorable minutes, Plops will twitch his nose and scratch behind his ear. Cute! He will perform long and short hops, as he remains close beside me. (Some nibbling.) I assure you the act contains nothing inappropriate, no matter what you may have seen from other recent rabbit acts. The entire performance is wholesome, family entertainment. (Some brief nudity and mild language.) On occasion, when visiting the Ironforge mailbox, there has been minor pushing and slight shoving by people wanting to get a look at Plops. I advise additional wait staff just in case.

Please contact me to discuss lighting needs and stage requirements for “Plops, Azeroth’s Slowest Bunny”. I look forward to my stay in Menethil Harbor. Great fishing!

Cordially,
R. Pebblebottom
(and Plops)