Southshore, Level 38

Dear Darla Harris,

I believe I recently left some items on one of your gryphons. It was a bundle of eight liferoots. I’m sure you get people trying to rummage through your “lost and found” all the time, but I really need those roots! I’ve been lugging them around for quite a while ever since I bought them off the auction house. I can’t pick flowers or herbs myself so this would really help me out. (harder than it looks! I’ve tried picking, but just can’t seem to get the hang of it.)

The gryphon I rode in on was grayish brown and had a bad cough and odd smell. I could probably pick him out of a gryphon lineup if you want to arrange that. I may have to sit on each one and really take a good whiff. (wet feather odor mostly, somewhat minty)

I didn’t get a good look at the rider after me. Do you keep records of all passengers? Has anyone ever made off with one of your gryphons before? I imagine a couple of gryphon treats mid-flight and a person could persuade one to fly the coop. (so to speak)

What do gryphons like to eat? I’m working on a new fish finger recipe that they might like. (mostly surplus crocolisk, some clam meat) They’re called Flying Fish Fingers and are the perfect in-flight treat. “There’s nothing fishy about these fingers!” I’m working on a mango salsa as well. Have you ever considered adding tray tables and cup holders to your mounts? People love ‘em. They’re great!

Please let me know if you see those roots. (tiny bundle) I’m not trying to pull a fast one! I need them in order to beat up a cyclone guy for a new axe. (long story) Please let me know if you find my items. In the meantime, I’ll be heading back to Ironforge to buy more liferoot. Do you give refunds without a receipt?

I anxiously look forward to your response.

R. Pebblebottom

P.S. I noticed your “no pets on board” policy and was wondering if there was a waiver I could obtain. I think my rabbit would really enjoy feeling the wind on his ears. Let’s get this bunny off the ground!

Stranglethorn Vale, Level 38

Dear Private Thorsen,

You’re welcome for saving you. To be honest, I really was just hoping to skin the panther you were fighting once you were done with it. You were taking a while and seemed to be struggling a bit, so I thought I’d help you out. Then, as I was skinning the beast, you started roughhousing with those two fellas. You three were making so much noise, I had to help you out again. (mid to major racket. slight grunting, small yelps, possibly whimpering.)

I would have kept adventuring with you and your Lieutenant, but I’m a little busy collecting tusks for a witch doctor. I think he’s a witch doctor. Could be a witch dentist. Ha!

He wants a load and a half of them, but I’ve noticed that some of these trolls don’t have very good dental hygiene. (Only floss the ones you wanna keep!) Do you think it matters if they’re nice-looking tusks or not? I don’t want to take any chances when a shiny new axe is on the line!

You may want to head to Stormwind and hit the target dummies to work on your technique. I noticed you pretty much had only one move, and it wasn’t a very good move. (tiny hip movements, jerky arm waving with very little shimmying. your constant shrieking wasn’t helping) I have a trainer that’s been teaching me some exciting techniques that he may be willing to share. (some grunting, but little to no yelping.) You’ll be fending of off the small wildlife in no time!

Good luck with your whole traitor thing!

R. Pebblebottom

Stormwind, Level 38

Dear Angus Stern,

Thank you for the many, many thanks! I was happy to help you out, and it sounds like you’ll be able to pull off your banquet after all. Chilled Basilisk in Lime Vinaigrette sounds pretty fancy. I’ve been eating a lot of soft banana bread lately, and I’m looking for something new to nosh on. (the bread sits in my bag and is only moderately soft by the time I eat it. partially firm.)

You seem to know what you’re doing, and I’d love to trade recipes with you. I have one that your noble might appreciate—a low-calorie honey mustard dipping sauce used for croc fingers. Will you be serving fingers of any sort at the party? (croc, chicken, ogre, etc.) I always say, “it’s not a party until you bring out the fingers!”

If you don’t mind my asking, who is the noble? I’d like to personally wish him or her a happy birthday. (Maybe speak with them about the bathroom situation here in Stormwind.) I could bring a dish or two and join in the fun. I assume there will be the usual prancing, and I know a party game or two. (I assure you, the Brewfest incident is almost always exaggerated.) Of course, I would have Plops, Azeroth’s Slowest Bunny accompany me. He could entertain the royalty with small hops and tasteful scratching. (some nibbling. delightful!)

Will the celebration be at The Blue Recluse? Kind of odd to name the place after a depressed loner and then throw a stylish reception there. Unless you mean the recluse himself is the color blue. Then you’d have the entertainment covered, and probably don’t need Plops to come after all. I’d like to meet the recluse as well! (may just be holding breath for long stretches. Is that part of the act?)

I’m a little surprised your tavern didn’t book Plops on his last tour. We hit up all the usual lounges and really wowed them! (negligible nudity) Perhaps you’d like to book in advance for the upcoming summer tour, “The Plop It Like It’s Hot Eastern Kingdoms Tour”. (Let’s get ploppin’!) Please contact me to request a demo reel.

Bon Appétit!
R. Pebblebottom

Refuge Point, Level 37

Dear Skuerto,

Seems like there’s a real ogre problem in these parts. (pretty fragrant) Have you considered developing some sort of ogre trap? They seem a little dopey, and I bet they’d fall for the old wild-hog-shank-under-a-box trick. Or you could probably fool them with an ogre costume. I know a tailor that might be able to make you one. I have a backwards yeti costume that works just great! (some yowling involved)

I just wrapped up all the ogre chores you asked me to do. I got the wand, snagged a gem, and then got it enchanted. I headed to the tower to get your loot, and when I used the pedestal to call for defenses, a ton of ogres came out of the woodwork! (pretty big ones, so may have actually been a ton of them. didn’t ask their weight, just a guesstimate.)

I was using every maneuver I had just to stay on my feet. The little water fellows that also appeared didn’t even distract them, just watched as I frantically swung my new axe about. (may have been protecting Plops. not sure.) Many, many ogres. So many ogres.

Seemed like after every item I collected for you, there were more ogres! (They came from… behind!) Seriously, look into a trap of some sort.

I was so beaten up when I reached the top of the tower, I was out of healing potions and had to bandage up. Do you have any idea where the cloth for those bandages came from?! Ogre loins!! I’ll probably get an infection from applying ogre sweat to my wounds. (cuts and scrapes, bruising, and other slight boo-boos, some minor armor scratches. no rashes yet.)

I must admit, the silk loincloths they wear are a novel idea. I may have to consider including them in my summer collection. “Why let ogres have all the fun!”

Anyhow, thanks for the adventure. I’ll let you know when the swelling goes down.

R. Pebblebottom