Ironforge, Level 28

Dear King Magni,

I love your city! I especially enjoy using all of your mailboxes, but my favorite by far is just outside of the bank. I write quite a bit, so I’m always mailing, and that one has it all. I think Stormwind may have overdone it when they recently installed new boxes. You can’t swing an axe without hitting one. (still no bathrooms) Yesterday, while doing my mailing, I was taken aback by a feminine Night Elf in a rather severe state of undress. (semi-to-very nude!) I’m not used to seeing such lewd behavior in your fine city. (Great forge!)

What is your policy on public nudity? I like to shed my male mail after a hard day, but there’s a time and place. (a good whirlpool bath) And after a few brews, who doesn’t practice their dance moves wearing nothing but their shield and mace?

I’ve not had many dealings with Night Elves (a lot of flesh) but if that’s what they’re about, I’d just as well do my business exclusively with Dwarves. This young pixie pranced near naked throughout The Commons, and her naturally smooth skin was a bit distracting, so I’m not certain I could choose her from a lineup. Is it customary for Night Elves to be only partially clothed? Where do they gather?

I haven’t seen this much flesh since the annual naked Gnome race runs through Dun Morogh. Then again, they’re wee, so there isn’t as much nudity on them, is there? Are there any similar contests that elves participate in? Where? (so much flesh)

Please consider doing something about the naked situation. Perhaps posting detailed likenesses of the offenders would help.

Thank you for your attention on this matter.

Yours respectfully,
R. Pebblebottom

P.S. Where do you get your hair cut?

Dun Morogh, Level 26

Dear Mr. Ironkeg,

I was saddened to learn you've declined my application to participate in this year’s Brewfest. (re: “Pebblebottom’s curiously tasty Hair of the Hare”) Your festival has created major buzz. In fact, it’s hard to travel anywhere near Ironforge without someone practically begging to try their super brew! (it echoes a bit) Compliments, Ipfel! I am genuinely happy for you and will allow you to finish your festival. But I must insist that “Hair of the Hare” is one of the finest ales of all time.

My independent research has shown that people really respond to my marketing campaign! ("Put's hair where you want it!") Many times, after the first sip, they’ll make the kind of face reserved for superior brews. (Somewhat scrunched, and a slight head shake) In these last days of the festival, I’ve decided to bring my drink to the people and have begun barking my own wares. Instead of galloping by, I stood in the middle of the Ironforge auction house, yelling for people to “try my super brew!” (Apparently, that’s frowned upon, as I was asked by several citizens to take it outside.)

As a service to your patrons, I suggest rotating your entertainment. It’s hard to miss the raucous clamor as I pass by, and I always hear those same three sots yelling awful wisecracks. (A goblin who can spell, we get it already!) The music is a wee repetitive as well. I suspect the Dark Irons may just be trying to stop the music. (The music!)

Perhaps you would like to book “Plops, Azeroth’s Slowest Bunny” for next year’s event. I would gladly offer a 16 minute performance, pending my accepted brew vendor application. (Let’s get some people cockeyed!)

Respectfully,
R. Pebblebottom, creator of Hair of the Hair
“It’s like kissing a rabbit!”