Menethil, Harbor, Level 22

Dear First Mate Fitzsimmons,

How are you? I am fine. When we first met, you asked if I was willing to endure tales that would shiver my timbers and sog my skivvies. I’ve been giving it some thought, and I think I am. I was concerned at first that your stories may rust my chausses, but after the run-ins I’ve had with the Wetlands wildlife (dinosaurs!) I think I can handle it.

I’ve had my rafters quiver a bit only once, but I’m not sure what timber shivering is like. I could definitely give it a go. I do request that if you notice me soaking my shorts that you abandon your anecdote. I’d like to stop at wetting my underthings and not go any further. I’d prefer not to drench my drawers, but I’m willing to go that far. We don’t need any major soiling. Let’s not create another incident.

Are there nice bathrooms here in the Wetlands? I haven’t seen one in some time. I can always take a quick flight to Ironforge to use the forge, but I’d still like to be able to hang my britches to dry while I enjoy a good Jumble.

Anxiously awaiting your tales,
R. Pebblebottom

Wetlands, Level 22

Dear Pilot Stonegear,

I just got back from Thelgen Rock. You could’ve mentioned the spiders! (a lot) I mean, whoever told you that there was ore in that cave wouldn’t have missed them. (they’re big) I went running in and could barely slay one before the next one skittered up. My bunny was terrified. (Scratching behind his ear more than usual) Do you know where I can find a carrot or maybe some leafy greens? I haven’t found a vegetable vendor, and it’s been a while since he’s eaten.

Luckily, I needed those beasts’ fangs for an armor kit I’m working on. But I got your ore and will deliver it the next time I’m in Dun Morogh. I hope the reward is worth all the venomous bites I took. Something fit for a warrior. (Not cloth gloves with spell power or anything.) Something great!

It was nice seeing you again. How are those wendigo rugs working out for you? I miss Kharanos and enjoyed my time there. Are there still lots of bunnies? Mine may like seeing his old friends after this harrowing experience.

See you soon,
R. Pebblebottom

Lakeshire, Level 21

Dear Yorud Barleybrew,

Dubble you tea heff was in that drink you gave me? It’s been a whijle ad I’m still spinning form it. Whn I went to fight those overgrown kobolds or whatever the hwck they were, I nearly got my pebblebottom handed to me! I was swinging with both swords and tey kept calling over theor buddies to help out. I had to run like a littile gnome half the way back to th einn to regroup.i could barelyt walk uprighte let alone swing a coupla blades. I busted out smite’S Mighty hammer and took care of em, but sheesh what a hairyt mess! how can I get more fo that drink? I think my sisater would enjoy some. HEr name is Honeyrump sdn she mostly hangs out in dun Morogh but I bet she could use a stoff drink one in a while. She’s a lovely girl, but mailboix dancing can ber tiring. Have you ever seen yorself from behind? I swear I was watching myself struggle with those giant hog people or whatever they were. It’as like I was just looking at them open up a keg of whopass on me! Do you know where the bathroom s? I know Stormwind doesn’t have any, so I’m not fying al the way there. Do the lakeshire guards frown on usin g the lake? This brew is making me feel a little quezay to. I’m fine It’ll pass I’m sure. Im fine.Thanks you for the gauntlet run arrand thing. . Kind of a good time but very queasy still. WHEere did I leave muy hearthstone?.

R. Pebb;ebotom

Ironforge, Level 20

Dear Mr. Cliffbeard,

How’s business? I never received my novelty hunk of meat, so I’m assuming you’ve decided not to go with my previous proposal. I see now, it was a bad idea. Turns out, I can only manage a partial semi handstand and a quarter cartwheel.

I need to rebuild my fortune, so I’ve decided to sell wares of my own. I will pace tirelessly around the Ironforge Military Ward and sell seats. I will be the Seat Vendor. (I sell some meat as well, but primarily seats.) I look forward to being your “neighbor” and being Seat Vendor. I will feature the popular “Mutton Prop” (a sheep-shaped stool) and you’ve no doubt seen people sitting on my “Wild Hog Plank”. (wood board that smells of bacon) I have an idea for a “Roasted Pail”, but am stuck on making it comfortable. “Comfort is king at the Seat Vendor!”

If you ever get tired of walking all day, stop by and I’ll let you demo one of my seats. There’s nothing like resting your tush after a hard day. “We treat your rump like royalty!” Just give me a little wave when you want to take a quick sit.

I look forward to joining the Military Ward Merchants Association!
R. Pebblebottom, Seat Vendor

P.S. Do you carry Chicken-Fried Croc Steak Fingers? I hear they’re great!

Farstrider Lodge, Level 20

Dear Marek Ironheart,

Best. Task. Ever. I’m sorry I didn’t visit your lodge earlier. You mentioned you didn’t do much trade in croc skins and meat, but lemme tell you, there’s an island just west of here that’s crawling with ‘em!

I could barely keep up with them all, they kept coming out of nowhere! I was pretty enraged the whole time, so I was rending a lot. (plenty of blood) Not only did I get your skins, but also more meat than you asked for, so I could try the recipe you gave me. The steaks are a little gamey so I tried deep frying one.

I’d like to offer my new Chicken-Fried Croc Steak Fingers™ to patrons of your lodge. (No chicken or steak) They’ve been selling fairly well near the Thelsamar mailbox. Once you get past the chew, they're delicious. I offer three dipping sauces—honey malt mustard, Rhapsody Malt vinegar, and teriyaki. Can you recommend a dipping sauce for our new Heart Healthy Baked Croc Nuggets™?

Please let me know when I can come by with my good goods. People love ‘em! Free pants with every purchase!

Regards,
R. Pebblebottom