Farstrider Lodge, Level 19

Dear Daryl the Youngling,

Thanks for the great shirt! When you challenged me to kill boars, you said, “This is no Coldridge Valley boar hunt.” You were sure right about that! There was a lot more ore for me to mine while hunting. I returned with four tin ore, ten copper ore, a course stone and ten rough stones, and I still had five minutes to spare. I love the shirt. How should I treat the armpit stains?

I sense a little tension between you and Vyrin? I bet you two were pretty hot and heavy at one time. Are you a player? The ladies dig scars, and you have a beaut. (I have one on my left buttock from sitting on a rock too quickly.)

You were right about the bear head I brought you. It was a little unsanitary. I got blood inside one of my favorite brownish bags. I gave the head to Vyrin, so I’m sure she’ll dispose of it properly. I doubt she’ll stuff it and hang it up in the lodge or anything.

Thanks again for the shirt (funny smell) and the tip on the hunting and mining spot.

Regards,
R. Pebblebottom

P.S. Ol' Sooty went down like a sack of bananas.

Ironforge, Level 19

Dear Sognar Cliffbeard,

People stop me and ask for your meat. “I’d like a few wild hog shanks, please.” (I deal mostly in pants.) I offer them some sensible trousers, but they just apologize and say, “I thought you were the meat guy. I need some meat!” It happens more and more. Do you have any Pebblebottom in you? I have an Aunt Rockstubble who’s always cooking large haunches of meat. You might know her.

I’d like to sell meat with you! I could walk around the Military Ward, mirroring your every move. When you walk in circles, so will I. If you give a little jump, I will do the same. I will also perform some half cartwheels, semi handstands, and give ‘em the old soggy elbow. You look familiar. Do you know my second cousin Ridgewhisker?

I will require a hunk of meat to hold. For looks only, I will not sell it. (I may nibble at it on breaks.) I could really use some gold, so let’s help each other out. I lost most of my fortune in the recent Auction House crash. I invested in apples, but now I know meat is the way to go. Beef, pork, mutton, wendigo...it’s all good! My father’s mother was named, Ledgegoatee. Any relation?

I hear you have the best meat in Ironforge. “I want a good chop!” they all say. I look forward to working with you and await my novelty hunk of meat. Let’s make back my fortune!

Sincerely,
R. Pebblebottom

P.S. Any chance you know my great uncle, Precipice Vandyke? He sold sliced deli meats. Do you have pastrami?

Ironforge, Level 19

Dear Innkeeper Firebrew,

I’ll be checking in to the Stonefire Tavern with a ridiculous haircut. I’ve always been told your establishment is the finest and caters to those with special needs. (e.g. haircuts)

Please inform the bell staff to do their best to smile politely when they ask to take my bags to my room. (I’m ugly!) I have five bags of varying sizes. Some smaller than the big ones.

Security should be alerted of my appearance and be sure to treat me as a dwarf, not a gnome! I will not be turned away because of this cockamamie hairstyle. It might help if they quietly advised other patrons to look away. (I’m hideous!) A distraction may also be needed as I quietly tippy-toe by.

This is more than a bad hair day. I may look rather disheveled, but have the coin to pay for my room and any refreshments I require. Do you have Hair of the Hare?

I will be traveling with my bunny. My companion’s hair is fine, but not mine. I look forward to unwinding at your inn. Do you have whirlpool baths?

Regards,
P. Pebblebottom

Ironforge, Level 19

Dear Ms. Brassbrush,

What the forge have you done! I came in for a beard trim—some ear hair removal—and you slaughtered me! (A brunette! Do I look like a gnome to you?) I used to be the envy of many passers by. They’d point and say, “That’s some hair!” This new hairstyle is unacceptable. How do you make a living!?

You really botched this job! My usual tidy appearance is now disheveled and common. (Thank you for taking care of the ear hairs. No more rustling!) Now, passers by just pass by. No attention whatsoever. The ladies at the auction house don’t even turn to look at me and then take a few steps back to take it all in. Now they just stare straight-ahead, avoiding eye contact.

I’ve been butchered! I’m going to have to visit a butcher to see if he can fix this mess. I like the new scrunchie, but the rest has to go!

Please consider spending my fifteen silver on a copy of Celebrity Dwarf Hair Today. I want the Magni!

R. Pebblebottom

Westfall, Level 18

Dear Edwin VanCleef,

I thought I helped kill you, but someone told me they saw you later on, so maybe you’re not dead. In learning more about your background, I have to say I sympathize with you. One time, I helped out a foreman by clearing out some troggs from his mine. I must’ve killed six or seven and He didn’t even thank me. He just wanted even more killed! (so messy) That was just a few troggs; I would guess building a whole city without reward would really get to someone.

Speaking of Stormwind, I think I know why you didn’t get paid. There isn’t a single toilet in the entire city! (Little Gil has needed to pee for close to a week now, as far as I can tell.) Next time you build a city, you should really consider adding them. People love ‘em! I asked a few travelers and they all said, “I’d love to go to the bathroom right now!” There must be sixteen tailor shops, but not a single restroom.

If you want to come back and install a toilet or two, I’m sure I could put in a good word. They have a harbor now, so you could swing by and dock your boat. Great fishing!

Hope this letter finds you well,
R. Pebblebottom

P.S. Sorry if I did kill you. The mage I was with was pretty insistent.

Stormwind, Level 14

Dear Mr. Alexston,

I have long admired your city since I arrived here yesterday. I love the many bridges and the convenient prison complex in the center of town. Very handy!

During a long day of drinking, a fellow bar patron suggested I write you with my question. Where are the bathrooms? A city this size should certainly have a lavatory or two. Maybe one with a place to hang your axe? I like reading materials. Will you have those? (gentleman’s magazines, graphic novels, Jumble, etc.)

I considered that perhaps the canals were intended for this purpose, but I’ve heard there are crocolisks in them and don’t want to risk an attack. Also, a young boy has needed to pee for what seems like days now. If only for the children, please provide adequate facilities.

In Ironforge, I’ve seen others relieve themselves in the Great Forge. (“Use the forge!”) Very sanitary, but you have to be careful. The forge you have here is not suitable. Stormwind needs bathrooms!

I appreciate your immediate attention to this matter.
R. Pebblebottom

Stormwind, Level 14

Dear Reese Langston,

I was recently in Stormwind, delivering an order to Furen Longbeard. I was told the Pig & Whistle is the place to drink in Old Town and have an interest in fine brews. You may remember me from a scuffle I got into with a regular there. That drunk didn’t know what hit ‘em! (my axe)

While in your establishment, a young lady approached me and immediately began dancing. I’m not sure what kind of tavern you’re running, but this young lady just kept dancing and dancing. She was really getting her groove on. I didn’t move, just watched. There was no touching! I would have joined her, but was worn out from dancing atop the Trade District mailbox for 23 hours. (declined several tips)

I drank mug after mug of your brew just watching her dance and spent much of my small fortune. (I sell pants.) I find myself thinking of that barmaid often.

This is the type of tavern Azeroth needs! Please let me know if you plan on opening other similar establishments closer to Ironforge.

Sincerely,
R. Pebblebottom

P.S. Have you considered serving chicken wings?

Thelsamar, Level 13

Dear Stewiess,

Thank you for purchasing my Recruit’s Pants. The 95 silver will go a long way in training expenses. (Gotta dance!) I hope you receive as much enjoyment out of them as I did.

I apologize for the slight rip in the left knee and the extensive boar-blood stains. There were times in Coldridge Valley it seemed I was knee-deep in boars. There may also be some slight wear in the seat, as I tend to sit while eating. Sometimes I’d like to just take a quick bite to get my energy up, but I always end up sitting, sometimes in wet snow. (Never yellow!)

Did you find a rabbit’s foot in one of the pockets? One auctioneer seemed a little shifty and may have taken it.

You may be interested in a reasonably priced shirt and some boots I’m selling as well. Some wear and blood.

With gratitude,
R. Pebblebottom

Kharanos, Level 10

Dear Innkeeper Belm,

I was recently doing some market research in your inn—wink—and noticed you are serving “bunny on a sword”. Why? I have always enjoyed your freshly baked and tough hunks of bread, but don’t see the need for whole bunnies impaled on swords. After traveling throughout Dun Morogh, protecting these noble creatures from vicious snow leopards, who wants to eat one? The fur!

How about Wolf on an Axe? I had Boar on a Dagger once, but got very ill. (May not have been the boar. I was eating Bear on a Staff as well.) Do you have anything for upset stomachs?

I no longer wish to make your inn my home, but will return for your wonderful brews from time to time. Have you tried the Hair of the Hare yet? It’s true what they say.

Thank you for looking into this matter.
R. Pebblebottom

P.S. Do you have Wendigo on a Mace?