Hinterlands, Level 41

Dear Rhapsody Shindigger,

Gryphon Master Talonaxe and I are a little concerned about your recent drinking. Of course, he lives in an oversized gryphon nest, so I’m a little concerned about him too. When I came to visit, you were pretty tanked, yet you asked me fetch you another round! Maybe you always kind of sway around and burp a lot. I could scare those hiccups out of you if you want. (may involve jumping out of the bushes in a yeti cape) Have you tried holding your breath? How about the old thumbs in the nose bit? (do not attempt to smell. dangerous!)

One time I got so cockeyed drunk that I misplaced my hearthstone. I remember bits and pieces, light hiccupping, no nose-thumbs, semi haircut.

Even though I think you’ve had enough, I just got my ram pimped and want to see how she handles on the curves. Plus, I’m really curious about what happened to you in that swamp! Sure hope I don’t sog my skivvies when you tell me. I have a feeling it’s gonna be good!

I see you don’t have a shower or bath at your camp. (I found you by sense of smell.) You may want to consider relocating to the Aerie Peak area. They have a nice little public well. I’m assuming it’s water, but might also be a clever ale distribution point. (both would be great for washing up!) Also, I noticed either a massive telescope or the biggest cannon I’ve ever seen! I think they’re really trying hard to bring in tourist dollars. I’ve enclosed a nice snapshot courtesy of the Aerie Peak Convention and Visitors Bureau.

“Aerie Peak. Look for the big bird!”

Maybe Talonaxe will even let you crash in his massive nest for a few days. I’ll be back in a few with your drink.

R. Pebblebottom

P.S. I love your malt! Have you tried Hair of the Hare yet?

Ironforge, Level 40

Dear Mr. Sternhammer,

How are you? I am fine. Thanks so much for teaching me to wear plate armor! I’ve been taking a lot of hits lately and could really use something a little sturdier than mail. I was recently struck with 108 lightning bolts, and the mail did little to protect me. For four days, I thought I was a night elf hunter named Timothy. Have you seen this happen before? Will the plate help with that? Have you met Timothy? (nice guy, little to no facial hair)

I spent some time in the auction house buying myself some new pieces of armor. It arrived in the mail very quickly (no extra shipping charges!) and I’m pretty happy with how it looks. (a few rusty areas. mostly chest, pits, groin) The new gear is heavier than it sounds, so it looks like I’ll need to get in shape. Ironforge could use a gymnasium. People love lifting things and working up a good sweat!


When buying my new outfit, I’m not sure, but I think that gnome auctioneer was marking up prices. (no yeti cape or yowling this time, so must have been something else she didn’t like) I think the redheaded lass was making eyes at me, occasional blinking and subtle nods, so I decided to take my business over to her instead. I laid on the charm hoping to get a few good deals. (frequent hand raising and sporadic cheers) She’s a sturdy gal with just a peek of midriff. Yee! I tried influencing her with some Hair of the Hare and a romantic walk around The Commons, but apparently she was working a double shift. (might have been washing hair as well, not sure)

Do the ladies dig plate, or should I get some “around town” gear as well? I could keep them in the locker room at the gymnasium. Please keep me in mind when they open one up. I am very conscientious about wiping up afterwards.

By Magni’s Beard,
R. Pebblebottom

Southshore, Level 38

Dear Darla Harris,

I believe I recently left some items on one of your gryphons. It was a bundle of eight liferoots. I’m sure you get people trying to rummage through your “lost and found” all the time, but I really need those roots! I’ve been lugging them around for quite a while ever since I bought them off the auction house. I can’t pick flowers or herbs myself so this would really help me out. (harder than it looks! I’ve tried picking, but just can’t seem to get the hang of it.)

The gryphon I rode in on was grayish brown and had a bad cough and odd smell. I could probably pick him out of a gryphon lineup if you want to arrange that. I may have to sit on each one and really take a good whiff. (wet feather odor mostly, somewhat minty)

I didn’t get a good look at the rider after me. Do you keep records of all passengers? Has anyone ever made off with one of your gryphons before? I imagine a couple of gryphon treats mid-flight and a person could persuade one to fly the coop. (so to speak)

What do gryphons like to eat? I’m working on a new fish finger recipe that they might like. (mostly surplus crocolisk, some clam meat) They’re called Flying Fish Fingers and are the perfect in-flight treat. “There’s nothing fishy about these fingers!” I’m working on a mango salsa as well. Have you ever considered adding tray tables and cup holders to your mounts? People love ‘em. They’re great!

Please let me know if you see those roots. (tiny bundle) I’m not trying to pull a fast one! I need them in order to beat up a cyclone guy for a new axe. (long story) Please let me know if you find my items. In the meantime, I’ll be heading back to Ironforge to buy more liferoot. Do you give refunds without a receipt?

I anxiously look forward to your response.

R. Pebblebottom

P.S. I noticed your “no pets on board” policy and was wondering if there was a waiver I could obtain. I think my rabbit would really enjoy feeling the wind on his ears. Let’s get this bunny off the ground!

Stranglethorn Vale, Level 38

Dear Private Thorsen,

You’re welcome for saving you. To be honest, I really was just hoping to skin the panther you were fighting once you were done with it. You were taking a while and seemed to be struggling a bit, so I thought I’d help you out. Then, as I was skinning the beast, you started roughhousing with those two fellas. You three were making so much noise, I had to help you out again. (mid to major racket. slight grunting, small yelps, possibly whimpering.)

I would have kept adventuring with you and your Lieutenant, but I’m a little busy collecting tusks for a witch doctor. I think he’s a witch doctor. Could be a witch dentist. Ha!

He wants a load and a half of them, but I’ve noticed that some of these trolls don’t have very good dental hygiene. (Only floss the ones you wanna keep!) Do you think it matters if they’re nice-looking tusks or not? I don’t want to take any chances when a shiny new axe is on the line!

You may want to head to Stormwind and hit the target dummies to work on your technique. I noticed you pretty much had only one move, and it wasn’t a very good move. (tiny hip movements, jerky arm waving with very little shimmying. your constant shrieking wasn’t helping) I have a trainer that’s been teaching me some exciting techniques that he may be willing to share. (some grunting, but little to no yelping.) You’ll be fending of off the small wildlife in no time!

Good luck with your whole traitor thing!

R. Pebblebottom